How to be a Social Butterfly.

A How-to On Being That Guy/Girl Who Never Waits in Lines & Always Gets Hooked Up.  

1.  Always, ALWAYS be polite. Plus cool, calm and collected. Look everyone from the bouncer to the bartender in the eye, smile, and treat them like you’d treat a good friend. No one ever seems to consider the fact that most people treat bouncers and other service people like dirt and just a stepping stone to their ultimate goal.  “Please” and “thank you” are a must and again, will cause you to stand out.

Best Cliche Action Movie Lines

 “Give me your badge, and your gun.” “You’ve got some vacation time comin up-“ 

                        “See you in hell.”… “You first!”

“Give me one good reason I shouldn’t just kill you right now.”

“I should have killed you when I had the chance!”

                               “It’s all over…give it up...” 

“Is that all you got?” / “Is that the best you can do?”

L.A. Steakhouse BESTS

Yes, we all know that these fine eateries can serve up a mean steak, but here are a few must-try specialties that you might not have known about… 

The Palm (Downtown): Best Crabcakes. Broiled not fried, and in my opinion the best crab to filler ratio.  These light, yet meaty and savory cakes are served with a mango salsa that is absolutely delightful.

LA Nightlife Hot Spots in 15 Words or Less

Sunset Blvd…

BAR MARMONT

DESCRIPTION: Upscale Lounge.  Non-Wanna-Be Spot; Legitimate Industry Patrons. Classy and Fun.   

8221 Sunset Blvd
Hollywood, CA 90046
(323) 656-1010   

SKYBAR

DESCRIPTION: Breathtaking Views. Classy, Good-Looking, Highly International Crowd. Lounge & Dancing.

8440 sunset blvd
West Hollywood, CA 90069
(323) 848-6025

Why You All Up in My Business, Vons??

     LOOK, I get what they are trying to do at Vons with the: “Hello, can I help you find anything” business. Theoretically a great idea. But when you’re bombarded by every single employee within shouting distance asking if you are finding everything ok it becomes a most onerous shopping experience.

  

Great Latin Quotes & Sayings Everyone Should Know.

In vino veritas: (in WEE-no WEH-ree-tuhs).  “In wine there is truth.”  By anonymous.

Sic semper tyrannis!: (sik SEM-per tee-RUN-nees).  “Thus always to tyrants!”  Exclaimed by John Wilkes Booth right before assassinating President Lincoln.

Cogito ergo sum: (KO-ghee-to ER-go soom).  “I think therefore I am.”  Rene Descartes, philosopher.

Hyde Lounge- Staples Center

The new Hyde Lounge at the Staples Center is the perfect, and I now feel ONLY, way to watch a sporting event (aside from front row seats).  You get to view the game from what would otherwise be a luxury box for a fraction of the price.  Ex. $15 admission for a Kings game. However, it’s more than that.

“Frenemies w/Benefits.”

Definition: A friend of the opposite sex that you generally despise and can’t stand to be around but somehow end up hooking up with from time to time.  (Usually after a long day/night of drinking).

My Favorite JDSM Quotes

Admittedly narcissistic, here is a collection of some of my most favorite lines that I’ve come up with over the years.  Yes, these are 100% original statements coined by me, J.D. St. Michaels.  Some are just well-worded observations, some thought-provoking positions, and others just plain silly.  Hope you enjoy them as much as my friends and I have–

Droppin’ Knowledge

• How to fix the U.S. Economy.  Three-words: De-criminalize, regulate & tax.

• If you have to explain, your joke wasn’t funny.

• Never lie to protect yourself from a truth that wasn’t hurting you.

• All’s fair in love, war, and poker.

• A well-provided for people never harbor inclinations to declare war.

• When you’re given the out, show a little respect and take it.

Some Babies Are Pricks.

    Ok, look- I know you’re supposed to think that all babies are cute, but really, they aren’t.  Hey, I’m sorry, I guess I have discerning taste when it comes to babies. If you want me to think you’re cute, you’ve gotta bring something to the table here.  

      The worst though is ugly babies.  And you know what I’m talkin about. Ugly babies.  Because let me tell you, some of these babies are straight jacked.  That’s not me, thats just a fact.

   But what kills me is that it’s always the parents of ugly children who are the first to pull out their wallet-pictures and shove them in your face.  How awkward is that moment??  Here you’ve got this 1×2 photo of this cross-eyed, snaggle-toothed, Jabba the Hut lookin’ creature and then the proud wide-eyed mother standing there on the edge of her seat waiting for the obligatory “Awww, how cute!!”

I can’t do it lady.  I just can’t.  I don’t know what other people have told you, but this is real bad.  Take it back.  Here, seriously.  Yuck!

Top 6 Relationship Deal-Breakers.

1.  Excessive Jealousy/Insecurity.  Usually they go hand in hand.  You’ll never be able to win with this person, so just don’t even go there.

2. Bad Sniffs. You absolutely must like they way they smell. Yes, even when they’re funky–especially when they’re funky; cuz that’s gonna happen.  If you don’t, it’s never gonna work out.  True story.

3. Bad Sleeps.  Where you just can’t sleep well next to someone.  No matter how hard you try the puzzle pieces are not fitting together and you’re left spending your night flopping around like a fish out of water.  Let me tell you, this is NOT going to be long-lasting relationship.

4. Extreme Selfishness. The “All About ME!” mentality isn’t going to change.  Jump ship!

5. Unneccessary Lying.  Lying when there is no conceivable purpose to hide the truth??  Whoa!   This person is clearly a psychopath.  Get the EFF outta there and if applicable, think about changing your locks.

6. Serial Cheating. Once can be chalked up to human error. Anything more than that is a lifestyle.

*Not in any particular order.

PHACTING

Definition: A contraction for “photo-acting.”  Meaning the practice of taking staged photos. 

Example: "Whatcha gonna do??"

Lessons from 500 Days of Summer.

Entertaining and bittersweet, this artsy non-love story is was filmed on location in our very own and beautiful downtown Los Angeles.  If there are two general love-related lessons that can be taken from this movie, they would be:

1. Read the signals, it’s usually not that complicated to tell how someone feels about you.

2. Be happy with what others can and want to give you. Don’t demand or expect more (because it never works).

Co-authored by: G.H.

L.A. Lunch Dates

The Porch Restaurant (House of Blues), Sunset Strip. Delicious down-home Cajun style cooking served in a vibrant Louisiana country-house veranda type setting. The Pan-Seared Voodoo Shrimp and White Chocolate Banana Bread Pudding are to die for!! 
http://www.houseofblues.com/venues/clubvenues/sunsetstrip/dining.php

 
 

Terrific L.A. Date Ideas

The Magic Castle. An evening of magical enchantment. If you can find a way to get invited to this up-scale highly exclusive member’s only club, it is an experience you will never forget. Magic and mystery exist at every turn in this extravagant and whimsical establishment.

What’s NOT OK:

What’s NOT OK:   <–Click here for a list of  What’s NOT OK.

“Funiani.”

FUNIANI (fun-ee-AN-ee) pl. noun:  Joe Pescie ala Good Fellas inspired collective noun for the kind of people who crack jokes. Usually used disparagingly.  Those who constantly attempt humor, often to the point of annoyance.

USAGE:

(From Good Fellas) “I’m funny how? I mean funny like I’m a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I’m here to f*ckin’ amuse you? What do you mean funny?? Funny how? How am I funny??”

………………………..

Correspondingly, one might say: “Hey this f*ckin guy. What are you? You think you’re funny??  What are you, part of the funiani?? You think you got jokes? Who the f*ck is this guy?!??”

Most BAD-ASS Action Hero

Diatus

DIATUS (dye-ey-tuhs) noun: Also known as a “dating-hiatus.”  A temporary break from one’s dating or love life.

   Recently I have come to the conclusion that the dating system is flawed.  At least for those who swim in the post-grad pool. 

   Here’s how it used to work: You have classes with someone,  run in the same circles, or have some other organic social connection that provides ample interaction and the ability to get to know and befriend that person first; and out of that pre-established compatibility develops romance.

Thank You Board

Open forum to give thanks & proper credit where due. Even if its a stranger at the grocery store, you never know, they might see it one day… So feel free to boost your karma and throw it out there-

via Thank You Board.

See also: PAYING IT FORWARD. One Random Act  of Kindness Per Diem.

The NCAA is Out of Control.

Funny illustration of the above point.  It should be noted that there’s much, MUCH more ridiculousness to the story however.

NCAA Animated Spoof

The Best Italian Is Served With Love

Osteria La Buca. 

Some of the best Italian I have had, well…EVER.  The Bruschetta Trio is guaranteed to delight even the most stubborn taste buds.  The Papardelle Fume embodies the zenith of savory flavor without being too rich to clean your plate (which you will). The salmon is light, full of flavor, and served atop a yogurt, mint, dill sauce- an astoundingly satisfying dish for the calories saved.  The ambiance is cozy and quaint.  The service is impeccable. The pasta is handmade. The cocktails are mixed to perfection. You will definitely want to make reservations because this small Melrose restaurant fills to the brim by about 7:30. I prefer the upstairs seating near the fireplace.

As if I needed to sell this place any further, I wanted to mention that the restaurant has very generously teamed up with the Susan G. Komen foundation and will be donating its October profits to the charity in support of National Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

5210 melrose ave.
los angeles, ca 90038
323.462.1900

See also: BOTTEGA LOUIE., Dan Tana’s Restaurant.

Random Thoughts & Observations

Alcohol consumption, the #1 cause of not knowing the name of the person you wake up next to.

Why is Samuel L. Jackson in EVERY movie EVER made??

Riddle Me This: Why does almost every super hero or his girlfriend work for a newspaper??

 

Aww, isn’t it nice that “Dog” the Bounty Hunter and his wife clearly go to the same hairdresser?? (Aka, Clorox Bleach and Aqua Net).

 

Mtv’s Teen Cribs aka, “My parents house.”

Jupiter Takes Over the Night Sky During September: Rising in the East at Nightfall, Setting in the West Just Before Daybreak.

Jupiter making closest approach to Earth in nearly 50 years, will be most visible Monday night

(Be sure to check the sky chart below which gives the real-time position of Jupiter and the stars in the Los Angeles sky)

MARCIA DUNN

AP Aerospace Writer

3:14 PM PDT, September 17, 2010

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. (AP) — Better catch Jupiter next week in the night sky. It won’t be that big or bright again until 2022.http://science.nasa.gov/science-news/science-at-nasa/2010/15sep_jupiter/

Jupiter will pass 368 million miles from Earth late Monday, its closest approach since 1963. You can see it low in the east around dusk. Around midnight, it will be directly overhead. That’s because Earth will be passing between Jupiter and the sun, into the wee hours of Tuesday.

Law & Order: Los Angeles.

It’s about damn time they came here.  New York isn’t the only place with crime ya know.  Plus we have Hollywood/celebrity crime and shenanigans.  So take that, Waterston!  To live and die in L.A….well, that’s for these guys to figure out (klink-klink!):  LAW AND ORDER: LOS ANGELES

Covell- Wine Bar

Only a few months old, Covell is a very small but intimate wine bar where the bartenders get to know you, figure out what you like, and present you with numerous tasters until you find the wine of your choosing.  In the Los Feliz area, and offers about 4 savory french snacks including croque-monsieur, cheese plate, and an antipasto type plate (yes, I realize not French, but don’t recall the French name for it).  Excellent service.  Their schtick is that you don’t buy a glass until you are satisfied.  Plus the bartenders are a wealth of recommendations.  Fun, tasty and intoxicating (literally).  Two thumbs up.

4628 Hollywood Boulevard
Los Angeles, CA 90027-5408
(323) 660-4400

Reading Body Language: By Nick Morgan

The Truth Behind the Smile and Other Myths – When Body Language Lies

9/30/2002

Being able to read “nonverbal communication”—body language—is essential in business dealings. Problem is, we usually interpret a smile or lack of eye contact through an emotional screen, not a scientific one. Sometimes a smile is a sign of happiness—and sometimes it’s a flash of contempt. Here is what modern communications science has to say about the myths of body language.

by Nick Morgan

Trendy & Upscale L.A. Dining

The BAZAAR @ SLS 

Located in prime Beverly Hills real estate, this restaurant certainly lives up to its name. The decor is classy yet thought provoking (note the potted ferns hanging from the pillars above). It is the food, however, that truly embodies the namesake.

JDSM Dictionary: “Fating”

Fating (fay-ting, verb): Aka fake-dating. The art of keeping in somewhat constant and flirtatious communication with a romantic interest. all the while maintaining minimal physical contact and the ability to date others.

White Fish, Black Fish, Who the F Cares Fish When We all Share the Same Shrinking & Polluted Ocean???

   Ok, I’m sorry. I was watching Bill Maher last night and I simply can’t take it anymore.  It’s not just a Bill Maher thing, everyone does it, but the repeat episode I watched last night with guests Philippe Cousteau Jr. (hence my oceanic/ B.P. reference in the title), and Prof. Cornel West, was simply the last straw.  Perhaps it was the lack of sleep, perhaps it was the wine, but I found myself yelling at the panel like, “Wtf does it matter that whatever percent of white v. black families net income has been doing in response to changes in the U.S. economy??”  To me, race is just as significant in a discussion about our failing economy as is some one’s sex, religion, eye color or blood type.

FOIF Comedy

Definition: The type of comedy that is “funny on its face.”  That is, requiring no additional knowledge on part of the audience. The humor can be appreciated without knowledge of past events, character relationships, or any other supplemental information.  FOIF comedy is one dimentional and thus more readily understood by the general public, however for that same reason, significantly less funny. 

The Lounge @ the W Hotel- Hollywood

As I walked into the W Lounge on Grammy night this past February, and after exchanging nods with Slash (that’s right), the first thing that came to mind was the movie Scarface.  Something about the 70ft ceilings, larger than life icicle chandelier, and delightfully gaudy red carpeted winding staircase just took me there.

Articles You Wanna Read:

What topics would you, the reader, like to see me address?? Try to be as specific as possible, but feel free to hit me with anything. I am always up for a challenge-

BOTTEGA LOUIE.

BOTTEGA LOUIE. The non-L.A., L.A. restaurant. Not only is the food delicious (and surprisingly affordable) but the sixty foot ceilings and large open dining room make you feel like you’re dining in an upscale Manhattan eatery.