Why Men Are So Shocked to Learn that Women Can Be Funny!!

Yep. Newsflash. Women are hilarious!

     …they just aren’t allowed to be if they ever want to bag a guy. Men pride themselves in their physical/athletic ability, problem solving capacity, and sense of humor over most all else when it comes to how they impress the fairer sex. So despite being equally comedically talented, women have learned not to outshine the boys in the humor department.

     This practice is reinforced every time a woman makes an awesome joke in mixed company, and is met wtih confused expressions as the men deliberate:

Surely she didn’t mean to be funny… so maybe she just doesn’t get it.  Ok, we’ll just pretend like she didn’t say anything so she doesn’t feel bad for being dumb.  Plus she’s cute, so we’ll let it slide.  

…Now, one of the dudes making that same joke, of course, would be deemed life of the party~

Why You All Up in My Business, Vons??

     LOOK, I get what they are trying to do at Vons with the: “Hello, can I help you find anything” business. Theoretically a great idea. But when you’re bombarded by every single employee within shouting distance asking if you are finding everything ok it becomes a most onerous shopping experience.

  

Great Latin Quotes & Sayings Everyone Should Know.

In vino veritas: (in WEE-no WEH-ree-tuhs).  “In wine there is truth.”  By anonymous.

Sic semper tyrannis!: (sik SEM-per tee-RUN-nees).  “Thus always to tyrants!”  Exclaimed by John Wilkes Booth right before assassinating President Lincoln.

Cogito ergo sum: (KO-ghee-to ER-go soom).  “I think therefore I am.”  Rene Descartes, philosopher.

“Frenemies w/Benefits.”

Definition: A friend of the opposite sex that you generally despise and can’t stand to be around but somehow end up hooking up with from time to time.  (Usually after a long day/night of drinking).

Some Babies Are Pricks.

    Ok, look- I know you’re supposed to think that all babies are cute, but really, they aren’t.  Hey, I’m sorry, I guess I have discerning taste when it comes to babies. If you want me to think you’re cute, you’ve gotta bring something to the table here.  

      The worst though is ugly babies.  And you know what I’m talkin about. Ugly babies.  Because let me tell you, some of these babies are straight jacked.  That’s not me, thats just a fact.

   But what kills me is that it’s always the parents of ugly children who are the first to pull out their wallet-pictures and shove them in your face.  How awkward is that moment??  Here you’ve got this 1×2 photo of this cross-eyed, snaggle-toothed, Jabba the Hut lookin’ creature and then the proud wide-eyed mother standing there on the edge of her seat waiting for the obligatory “Awww, how cute!!”

I can’t do it lady.  I just can’t.  I don’t know what other people have told you, but this is real bad.  Take it back.  Here, seriously.  Yuck!

Lessons from 500 Days of Summer.

Entertaining and bittersweet, this artsy non-love story is was filmed on location in our very own and beautiful downtown Los Angeles.  If there are two general love-related lessons that can be taken from this movie, they would be:

1. Read the signals, it’s usually not that complicated to tell how someone feels about you.

2. Be happy with what others can and want to give you. Don’t demand or expect more (because it never works).

Co-authored by: G.H.

The California Bar: 30% Law, 20% Composure, 50% Point Headings.

THE MENTAL GAME. 

  Here is what I hate most about taking the Bar: You must necessarily be 110% selfish.  No one on the outside ever really understands that.   Grounds clearly not ripe for a nascent relationship. 

   Not to mention the concomitant stress that only grows as the day comes near; realizing that you have spent 3 years and unbelievable sweat, blood and tears for a mere 18 hour exam that will either validate your sacrifices or leave you $250,000.00 in debt and looking for a new career. 

The Exclusionary Rule

In Re: Exclusionary Rule as a Check and Deterrent

113 U.S. 82 (2009)

CHIEF JUSTICE ST. MICHAELS delivered the opinion of the Court.

   Excluding evidence that is procured by violating the 4^th Amendment is the strongest shield we have to protect against unlawful searches and seizures.  Those who argue that only the guilty benefit from this protection naively insult the very purpose of the 4^th Amendment.  There can be no doubt that our founding fathers passed the 4^th Amendment not to protect murderers and thieves from unreasonable searches and seizures, but to protect the innocent. 

What’s NOT OK:

What’s NOT OK:   <–Click here for a list of  What’s NOT OK.

“Funiani.”

FUNIANI (fun-ee-AN-ee) pl. noun:  Joe Pescie ala Good Fellas inspired collective noun for the kind of people who crack jokes. Usually used disparagingly.  Those who constantly attempt humor, often to the point of annoyance.

USAGE:

(From Good Fellas) “I’m funny how? I mean funny like I’m a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I’m here to f*ckin’ amuse you? What do you mean funny?? Funny how? How am I funny??”

………………………..

Correspondingly, one might say: “Hey this f*ckin guy. What are you? You think you’re funny??  What are you, part of the funiani?? You think you got jokes? Who the f*ck is this guy?!??”

Diatus

DIATUS (dye-ey-tuhs) noun: Also known as a “dating-hiatus.”  A temporary break from one’s dating or love life.

   Recently I have come to the conclusion that the dating system is flawed.  At least for those who swim in the post-grad pool. 

   Here’s how it used to work: You have classes with someone,  run in the same circles, or have some other organic social connection that provides ample interaction and the ability to get to know and befriend that person first; and out of that pre-established compatibility develops romance.

Thank You Board

Open forum to give thanks & proper credit where due. Even if its a stranger at the grocery store, you never know, they might see it one day… So feel free to boost your karma and throw it out there-

via Thank You Board.

See also: PAYING IT FORWARD. One Random Act  of Kindness Per Diem.

The NCAA is Out of Control.

Funny illustration of the above point.  It should be noted that there’s much, MUCH more ridiculousness to the story however.

NCAA Animated Spoof

Random Thoughts & Observations

Alcohol consumption, the #1 cause of not knowing the name of the person you wake up next to.

Why is Samuel L. Jackson in EVERY movie EVER made??

Riddle Me This: Why does almost every super hero or his girlfriend work for a newspaper??

 

Aww, isn’t it nice that “Dog” the Bounty Hunter and his wife clearly go to the same hairdresser?? (Aka, Clorox Bleach and Aqua Net).

 

Mtv’s Teen Cribs aka, “My parents house.”

JDSM Dictionary: “Fating”

Fating (fay-ting, verb): Aka fake-dating. The art of keeping in somewhat constant and flirtatious communication with a romantic interest. all the while maintaining minimal physical contact and the ability to date others.

Ideas for How To Get Off an Impanelled Jury… Or at Least Make Things More Interesting.

1. Start scratching yourself all over as if you had fleas or some (possibly contagious) skin disease.
2. During deliberations, take out a tube of bright red lipstick and start putting it all over your face as you stare blankly into space.