Tag Archives: Observational Humor

Why You All Up in My Business, Vons??

19 Mar

     LOOK, I get what they are trying to do at Vons with the: “Hello, can I help you find anything” business. Theoretically a great idea. But when you’re bombarded by every single employee within shouting distance asking if you are finding everything ok it becomes a most onerous shopping experience.

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“Frenemies w/Benefits.”

19 Mar

Definition: A friend of the opposite sex that you generally despise and can’t stand to be around but somehow end up hooking up with from time to time.  (Usually after a long day/night of drinking).

Some Babies Are Pricks.

17 Mar

    Ok, look- I know you’re supposed to think that all babies are cute, but really, they aren’t.  Hey, I’m sorry, I guess I have discerning taste when it comes to babies. If you want me to think you’re cute, you’ve gotta bring something to the table here.  

      The worst though is ugly babies.  And you know what I’m talkin about. Ugly babies.  Because let me tell you, some of these babies are straight jacked.  That’s not me, thats just a fact.

   But what kills me is that it’s always the parents of ugly children who are the first to pull out their wallet-pictures and shove them in your face.  How awkward is that moment??  Here you’ve got this 1×2 photo of this cross-eyed, snaggle-toothed, Jabba the Hut lookin’ creature and then the proud wide-eyed mother standing there on the edge of her seat waiting for the obligatory “Awww, how cute!!”

I can’t do it lady.  I just can’t.  I don’t know what other people have told you, but this is real bad.  Take it back.  Here, seriously.  Yuck!

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What’s NOT OK:

13 Feb

What’s NOT OK:   <–Click here for a list of  What’s NOT OK.

“Funiani.”

12 Feb

FUNIANI (fun-ee-AN-ee) pl. noun:  Joe Pescie ala Good Fellas inspired collective noun for the kind of people who crack jokes. Usually used disparagingly.  Those who constantly attempt humor, often to the point of annoyance.

USAGE:

(From Good Fellas) “I’m funny how? I mean funny like I’m a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I’m here to f*ckin’ amuse you? What do you mean funny?? Funny how? How am I funny??”

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Correspondingly, one might say: “Hey this f*ckin guy. What are you? You think you’re funny??  What are you, part of the funiani?? You think you got jokes? Who the f*ck is this guy?!??”

Random Thoughts & Observations

4 Oct

Alcohol consumption, the #1 cause of not knowing the name of the person you wake up next to.

Why is Samuel L. Jackson in EVERY movie EVER made??

Riddle Me This: Why does almost every super hero or his girlfriend work for a newspaper??
 
Aww, isn’t it nice that “Dog” the Bounty Hunter and his wife clearly go to the same hairdresser?? (Aka, Clorox Bleach and Aqua Net).

 
Mtv’s Teen Cribs aka, “My parents house.”

Reading Body Language: By Nick Morgan

20 Sep

The Truth Behind the Smile and Other Myths – When Body Language Lies

9/30/2002
Being able to read “nonverbal communication”—body language—is essential in business dealings. Problem is, we usually interpret a smile or lack of eye contact through an emotional screen, not a scientific one. Sometimes a smile is a sign of happiness—and sometimes it’s a flash of contempt. Here is what modern communications science has to say about the myths of body language.

by Nick Morgan Continue reading

JDSM Dictionary: “Fating”

10 Sep

Fating (fay-ting, verb): Aka fake-dating. The art of keeping in somewhat constant and flirtatious communication with a romantic interest. all the while maintaining minimal physical contact and the ability to date others.

Pick Your Poison- Looks AREN’T Everything

25 Aug

Here is why dating in Los Angeles is so challenging. It is because good-looking people (Gap commercial quality and above) generally fall into one of these categories: Continue reading

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