Archive | March, 2011

Why You All Up in My Business, Vons??

19 Mar

     LOOK, I get what they are trying to do at Vons with the: “Hello, can I help you find anything” business. Theoretically a great idea. But when you’re bombarded by every single employee within shouting distance asking if you are finding everything ok it becomes a most onerous shopping experience.

   Continue reading

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U.S. Prison Overcrowding: Problem Solved.

19 Mar

I was shocked to learn that the United States houses 25% of the world’s prisoners.  Many of the prisons operating at 200% capacity.  This is a serious problem. However, decriminalization of particular drugs, sentencing/parole reform, plus swift and certain punishment would turn that all around.  Continue reading

Great Latin Quotes & Sayings Everyone Should Know.

19 Mar

In vino veritas: (in WEE-no WEH-ree-tuhs).  “In wine there is truth.”  By anonymous.

Sic semper tyrannis!: (sik SEM-per tee-RUN-nees).  “Thus always to tyrants!”  Exclaimed by John Wilkes Booth right before assassinating President Lincoln.

Cogito ergo sum: (KO-ghee-to ER-go soom).  “I think therefore I am.”  Rene Descartes, philosopher. Continue reading

Less is More: Market Theory  Applied to Affection.

19 Mar

Disclaimer: I am certainly not advocating being an asshole-recluse; but explaining a basic human behavior, its general effects and the motives behind it. There is a time and place for everything, and always in moderation.

     The basic principle is that the less you give, affection, praise, material gifts, time etc.- the more weight it has when you do.  Think about it. Continue reading

STANDARDS- Make ‘em and Keep ‘em

19 Mar

   For this, I use employ pole-vaulting metaphor. You have to set standards. There must be a certain level of treatment and respect that you demand from everyone in your life—especially anyone you are dating and so on. If you don’t raise the bar, so to speak, and require to be treated with the utmost care and respect, you won’t get it. Naturally people are lazy and inclined to put in the minimal amount of effort required to attaining a goal. And generally it makes sense, why spend more time and effort than necessary? Afterall, “time is money.”  Continue reading

Hyde Lounge- Staples Center

19 Mar

The new Hyde Lounge at the Staples Center is the perfect, and I now feel ONLY, way to watch a sporting event (aside from front row seats).  You get to view the game from what would otherwise be a luxury box for a fraction of the price.  Ex. $15 admission for a Kings game. However, it’s more than that.
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“Frenemies w/Benefits.”

19 Mar

Definition: A friend of the opposite sex that you generally despise and can’t stand to be around but somehow end up hooking up with from time to time.  (Usually after a long day/night of drinking).

“Step Off Crazy Old Lady.”

19 Mar

“Step Off Crazy Old Lady.”  A poetic tribute to my neighbor. A true story.

There lives an old lady across from my place. She seems kinda crazy, pretty sure that’s the case.  She stopped me one time to show me her door, complaining of invisible dust particles, as if someone placed them there- don’t worry, there’s more. 

Took her a good ten minutes to explain the dust thing to me before not so subtly implying that I was a part of this grand conspiracy.  I smiled and nodded just trying to get the hell outta there, which was about the time she warned me that Satan was bad…with a most meaningful stare. Continue reading

My Favorite JDSM Quotes

18 Mar

Admittedly narcissistic, here is a collection of some of my most favorite lines that I’ve come up with over the years.  Yes, these are 100% original statements coined by me, J.D. St. Michaels.  Some are just well-worded observations, some thought-provoking positions, and others just plain silly.  Hope you enjoy them as much as my friends and I have–

Droppin’ Knowledge

  • How to fix the U.S. Economy.  Three-words: De-criminalize, regulate & tax.

  • If you have to explain, your joke wasn’t funny.

  • Never lie to protect yourself from a truth that wasn’t hurting you.

  • All’s fair in love, war, and poker.

  • A well-provided for people never harbor inclinations to declare war.

  • When you’re given the out, show a little respect and take it. Continue reading

Some Babies Are Pricks.

17 Mar

    Ok, look- I know you’re supposed to think that all babies are cute, but really, they aren’t.  Hey, I’m sorry, I guess I have discerning taste when it comes to babies. If you want me to think you’re cute, you’ve gotta bring something to the table here.  

      The worst though is ugly babies.  And you know what I’m talkin about. Ugly babies.  Because let me tell you, some of these babies are straight jacked.  That’s not me, thats just a fact.

   But what kills me is that it’s always the parents of ugly children who are the first to pull out their wallet-pictures and shove them in your face.  How awkward is that moment??  Here you’ve got this 1×2 photo of this cross-eyed, snaggle-toothed, Jabba the Hut lookin’ creature and then the proud wide-eyed mother standing there on the edge of her seat waiting for the obligatory “Awww, how cute!!”

I can’t do it lady.  I just can’t.  I don’t know what other people have told you, but this is real bad.  Take it back.  Here, seriously.  Yuck!

Continue reading

Top 6 Relationship Deal-Breakers.

17 Mar

1.  Excessive Jealousy/Insecurity.  Usually they go hand in hand.  You’ll never be able to win with this person, so just don’t even go there.

2. Bad Sniffs. You absolutely must like they way they smell. Yes, even when they’re funky–especially when they’re funky; cuz that’s gonna happen.  If you don’t, it’s never gonna work out.  True story.

3. Bad Sleeps.  Where you just can’t sleep well next to someone.  No matter how hard you try the puzzle pieces are not fitting together and you’re left spending your night flopping around like a fish out of water.  Let me tell you, this is NOT going to be long-lasting relationship.

4. Extreme Selfishness. The “All About ME!” mentality isn’t going to change.  Jump ship!

5. Unneccessary Lying.  Lying when there is no conceivable purpose to hide the truth??  Whoa!   This person is clearly a psychopath.  Get the EFF outta there and if applicable, think about changing your locks.

6. Serial Cheating. Once can be chalked up to human error. Anything more than that is a lifestyle.

*Not in any particular order.

U.S. Foreign Aid: How About We Secure OUR Oxygen Masks First??

12 Mar

   Call me crazy, but shouldn’t CA and the US put our money towards fixing our own economic crises: providing jobs, food and shelter to its tax-paying citizens before shelling out millions to aid every country hit by a natural disaster??  Trust me, we have PLENTY of starving people without homes, clothing, clean water, and… medical supplies right here in America.  Just throwin’ that out there-

PS: You don’t believe me??  Take a stroll down Skid Row. Continue reading

PHACTING

10 Mar

Definition: A contraction for “photo-acting.”  Meaning the practice of taking staged photos. 

Example: "Whatcha gonna do??"

Lessons from 500 Days of Summer.

5 Mar

Entertaining and bittersweet, this artsy non-love story is was filmed on location in our very own and beautiful downtown Los Angeles.  If there are two general love-related lessons that can be taken from this movie, they would be:

1. Read the signals, it’s usually not that complicated to tell how someone feels about you.

2. Be happy with what others can and want to give you. Don’t demand or expect more (because it never works).

Co-authored by: G.H.

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