Man Protocol

8 Dec

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

      If don’t have the mind-reading abilities of Mel Gibson, there is still hope for you yet.  Here are some universal truths about what women want, and how to go about making it happen.

 

      Security. First and foremost, they want to feel safe, secure and protected. This is what I commonly refer to being a “take-care-of” guy.  Women want to feel safe when they are with a man. They want to feel that he can handle himself in any situation.  This is why women like confident men, because they feel comfortable and secure around someone who is secure in themselves. If you aren’t confident in yourself, a woman will surely not have confidence in you.  No matter how far society has advanced in the last hundred years with regards to women’s liberation and struggle for equity, it still remains that men and women take on distinct roles in a relationship.  These roles are innately predetermined by our anatomical makeup. As the gender responsible for child-bearing and raising, women necessarily seek out a mate who will provide protection for them and their young.  Though not commonly a conscious concern, one can’t refute the importance of these roles and their impact on mate selection.

     Again, women don’t want assholes- they just want a man who is secure.  “Nice” guys often come across as pushovers who can’t stand up for themselves. No one wants to be with a guy who lets people walk all over them.  If you can’t stand up for yourself and hold your own, this tells a woman that you certainly will not be able to take care of and protect her when necessary.  You can still be a nice guy but stand your ground at the same time.   To sum up: confidence is a huge indicator of security.

      Adoration. Second, women want to feel adored. Let her know how important she is.  Be attentive, pick up on her signals, note her likes, dislikes, and sensitivities.  Women are very detail oriented- so paying attention to the little things will go a long way.  Courting is an ongoing process! And how about flowers every now and then?? Women did not start hating them or anything- still a very nice, and most appreciated gesture fellas.

     Compliments!  Newsflash! Even more than women love flowers, they love compliments.  You can never give a woman enough compliments. Truly.  Tell her how beautiful she looks.  Contrary to popular belief, beautiful women are RARELY given this compliment by men.  She knows she’s beautiful guys, it’s not like if you tell her she is suddenly going to realize she is too good for you.  Learn these words: Beautiful, Gorgeous, Stunning, Breathtaking, Striking, Amazing.  FYI telling her she looks “Hot” translates as, “I wanna get in your pants,”  to a woman.  Having read the above you can figure out why that’s not the best course of action.

    I would like to note, do not ONLY make the compliments center around her appearance.  After a while, a woman will begin to ask herself: Is that really ALL he sees in me??  She may even get offended.  So add some variety.  Compliment her sense of humor, her insight, her intelligence, one of her talents, the options are endless.  Two to three compliments a night, if not more are wholly appropriate for a first date, and nothing can be lost by continuing the practice throughout your relationship.

      Listening. Lastly, women want to feel like they are being heard. Yes, women talk… a LOT. Sometimes men find it hard to pay attention when there is a constant flow of words firing in their direction. This is understandable. Of course, when faced with a Niagara Falls of verbiage, it can seem overwhelming as she proceeds to detail every last thought and feeling she has about an issue.   But your attentive listening is key!

      It is important to understand one of the fundamental differences between men and women here.  Men use language to problem-solve. Women use language to express feelings. If you get this you are ahead of the game. Men are inclined to revolve the conversation around solutions, conclusions or a call to action.  Thus they are often frustrated and confused when the advice they give a lady friend seems to fall on deaf ears, or even annoys her.  Women don’t talk to brainstorm; they already know the answer. Discourse for women is a forum with which to air out their feelings and express their emotions.

    So good news!! She’s not looking for you to fix all her problems.  Let her talk until she exhausts herself.  Your only role is to sit there listening and give the occasional sign of life.  No mystery about it.  It really is that easy.

1. ASKING A GIRL OUT

Don’t ask a girl out unless you’re at least 51% sure she is interested.  You want to be sure that the preponderance of the evidence points to a “yes” rather than a “no”. Look, there is no point in asking someone out when you’re guaranteed to be turned down.  Save yourself the shame and embarrassment. Here is why.  First, you are wasting your time. Second, you are making the uninterested girl uncomfortable. Third, while you are saving yourself the few minutes it will take for her to shut you down, you are also being productive by not asking her out.

Look at it this way, if you know you are going to be rejected if you ask her out, you can nonetheless use this to your advantage.  By not asking her out, especially if this is a good-looking girl, this makes it appear as if you use discretion and are picky about who you date. This will set you apart from the rest, and give you an air of mystery which women often find intriguing and attractive.  In addition, your neglected subject may begin to question why you chose not to ask her out.  Your apparent disinterest will cause her to drop her guard, and may even spark her interest causing her to work for your attention causing a reverse effect.  That is, now she is working to gain YOUR attention and approval.

            When you are actually approaching, be confident.  Don’t go back and forth and kind of hint around a date- like George McFly in Back to the Future. Either approach her, or call her up, and pop the question.  Sure, you can do some small talk- but don’t small talk so much that it becomes awkward and the she is stuck there listening to your babble waiting for the inevitable date invitation.  You always want to keep things cool and comfortable. Again, it’s all about confidence.  If you seem confident in yourself (even if you’re not), she will buy it and be confident IN you. Also, when dealing with a lady, it is also about comfort. If you are shaking and awkward, she will be uncomfortable around you. And no one can stand being weird and uncomfortable in excess amounts.  In dating, there is always nervousness and uncomfortablilty. To a certain point that is what makes it exciting. But too much is a deal-breaker. So, be self-assured and (at least appear) to have it together.

2. YOU PAY

            If you ask a girl out, you are asking for the pleasure of her company, and YOU are paying. Even if they offer, you QUICKLY and ASSERTIVELY refuse. For example, at dinner, a true Don Juan will not even look at the check and have his credit card ready as it arrives.

3.  FIRST DATE

  • You pick the venue. When you ask a girl on a first date, make it classy. Don’t half-ass it by doing a quasi-date like coffee and such. That just leaves things somewhat ambiguous. You want it to be clear that this is a date. And here is what “lets get drinks” means: I want to get you drunk so that I can hook up with you later without paying for dinner.
  • Go out on an actual, undeniable date.  Have whatever you are doing planned ahead of time and ask her well in advance to give her plenty of notice.  Put some thought into it.  Have a few back-up plans handy should you need an alternate, or if the date should go well and you require a new venue to continue the evening.
  • As far as what to do, dinner is actually one of the more difficult dates to go on and is better reserved for second or third.  Sitting across the table from a relative stranger puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on the conversation.  This is why I suggest an event.  Go to a sporting event, a concert, a movie, or some other gathering where the entertainment is already built-in.  This allows both of you to comfortably co-exist during drops in conversation as the conversation is merely a side note to the main attraction.  If you do find yourselves captivated in stimulating discourse, all the better!  The point is to have a low-stress environment that gives you options.
  • Pick her up. Don’t do the whole, “lets meet up” type thing. A true gentleman will escort his date from door to door.  Even if she lives far, you drive out there.  Later on in the relationship, this rule, like many others may be bent every so often.  But in the beginning, it is a must. Again, it is about being a take-care-of guy. A girl wants to feel that a man is in control and taking care of her. This helps to build her feeling of security and comfort with you, which is said to be the first stage of seduction.
  • Show up early, but knock on time.  Yes, get out of the car and go up to her door.  This should be standard for anyone you are taking on a date.  You do not want to be late, but showing up early may stress your date out as most girls use every last minute when getting ready…especially if they like you (which is what you’re hoping for, of course).  Therefore, don’t call or text to let them know you’re outside. Any thoughtful woman would then invite you up but be embarrassed that she’s still in curlers or alternatively she will then feel anxious and pressured to hurry.  Both of which are very bad ways to start a date.  And so, the object is to never leave a lady waiting, but also give her the time they need to prepare without causing them to feel rushed.
  • Open every door. This includes the car door.  Chivalry is not dead, nor is it unappreciated. You can never go wrong by being old-fashioned and treating your date like a lady (unless you’re dating a fem-Nazi in which case you’ll never win anyway, and I suggest you quit while you’re ahead).  When opening the door, if you should be so bold, a nice hand on the lower back is a good touch. This is more of a subconscious thing, but it lets a woman know you are there, and protecting her.  There is something about the back, when exposed and not given assurance by touch, that makes us feel vulnerable. Think about it, from behind we can’t see what’s going on, and are completely open to attack.  But when someone has their arm around you or sweetly places their hand on your lower back to guide you through a door these gestures are accompanied by a sense of comfort and safety. You don’t have to be a pro-body builder or ninja to make a girl comfortable and feel secure.
  • Of course, you’re paying. Don’t give her time to offer. As soon as the check comes, you pick it up.  You don’t want to leave room for an awkward moment, and you certainly don’t want her to reach for it.  It’s not all about money. Really, women want a man who is assertive, and who they feel will take care of them.  It is always nice to play dress up and go to an expensive restaurant. However, you will score the same amount of points no matter where you take her as long as you make her feel special and taken care of.
  • Ending your night. A nice kiss on the cheek is always a classy touch and will spark her interest but also keep her within her comfort zone. Of course, if the signs are good and you are sure, you can go for a real kiss. But it is generally safe to give a simple kiss on the cheek and leave her wanting more.  If she is particularly attractive this will blow her mind as nearly every guy is attempting to make a serious move with her the first night.  Set yourself apart from all of the rest.  Leave her thinking about how much she wanted to kiss you longer.  Plus, until you get each other’s signals and movements down, you certainly don’t want to be that guy who ruins a good date with a sloppy and forced make-out.

THE DO NOT LIST (For Every Date)

   It doesn’t matter how bad the date is going, or how un-attracted you may be to your date, here is a list of things you never, EVER do:

  1. Use your cell phone at any point during the date unless it is a true emergency.
  2. Bring up or otherwise discuss past relationships.
  3. Ask a lady where she is going when she leaves the room.
  4. Check your watch unless you have an event to make or know of a bomb about to go off.
  5. Remain in your car for either the hello or goodbye. As mentioned above, door to door service gentlemen.
  6. Leave her waiting for you for more than 2, but at absolute most, 3 minutes at any point during the date.
  7. Ask her to do, bring, get, wear, make, help with, look-up,  figure out, plan, provide, (insert any other verb here) anything.
  8. Under-dress for the occasion.
   Reasoning?? Well for one, you’re already there, so you might as well make the best of it.  Two, and possibly more importantly, women talk!  Even if you aren’t interested in the female you are currently on a date with, you never know who she may know; and her cousin, friend, co-worker may just so happen to be the girl of your dreams.  Wouldn’t you rather your date have nothing but great things to say about you no matter what the case??  So be classy.  It’s just one date, and good hype never hurt anybody.

 4. SECOND DATE & BEYOND…

            Really, these will all just be versions of the first date aside from the physical progression. And as far as getting physical is concerned, so long as you don’t give off the impression that you’re gay or uninterested, taking things slow never hurts and lets her know she is special and important to you.  Trust me, a woman who feels adored, appreciated and important will be most grateful and that DOES translate to the bedroom.  So bide your time.  It will be worth it.

WHEN THAT TIME COMES…

   Be bold! Go for it!!  Be assertive and confident.  When she has given you the clear green light, think to yourself: WWJBD?? (What Would James Bond Do?)  So long as they are already sold on the candidate, women want the passionate, ‘must have you now’ type of man.  Just look at any classic romantic movie or sexy thriller.  It’s no coincidence that when it comes to getting physical all the lead men suddenly become caveman like brutes.  Women find it hot.  They want to be lusted after and thrown over a shoulder every now and then.  When your relationship has progressed to the point of physical intimacy, sprinkle a little Basic Instinct in there with your Ghost-like, tender pottery-making love.

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4 Responses to “Man Protocol”

  1. Anonymous June 22, 2011 at 5:03 pm #

    Excellent show!

  2. weighty September 26, 2010 at 10:23 am #

    gonna send this to my mom

  3. DP September 16, 2010 at 10:23 pm #

    I’m a big believer in dinner or an activity on a first date. As a guy, I’ve always wondered how a girl would take “drinks” on a first date as anything other than an invitation to hook up. If the girl is classy at all, I’d think she’d be over it.

    Also just logistically speaking, if you do a first date during the week, “drinks” presents a problem. If I’m gainfully employed, I won’t get off work until 6, then I need to go home, change, and realistically I can’t meet up for drinks until 7:30 at the earliest. At what point am I going to eat? If I don’t eat I’ll be starving, which will lead to me being in a bad mood and subsequently being a bad date.

    On the sporting event for a first date, I’ve got a little different take on that. I used to really believe in this, because the game takes some of the pressure off of making conversation, and if there’s nothing at all to talk about, at least I have a game to watch. Unfortunately a couple years ago this completely backfired on me when I took a girl I hardly knew to a game on a first, and subsequently only, date. About 10 minutes into hanging out, I realized that this girl was ridiculously rude and I had no interest whatsoever in having a second date with her. Then we get to the game, and she wouldn’t shut up for the next 3 hours about God knows what. I tried really hard to be nice the entire time, but she was rude, obnoxious, and she ruined a perfectly good baseball game for me. So I’ll amend the part about a game being a good idea to say that it’s only a good idea if you know the girl is cool ahead of time, because a random girl who sucks could lead to the world’s most uncomfortable 3 hour period.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Some Very Basic Do’s and Don’ts When Relating to the Opposite Sex. « Dating, Debating & Recreating: Los Angeles - September 25, 2010

    […] also: Man Protocol, To Women: How to Effectively  […]

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