There is No “Still Friends” Immediately After a Break-Up.

22 Jun

    Once you break up with someone, no matter whose decision it was, you MUST give the relationship some time and space. Things need time to settle.  Attempting to go from lovers to  friends right away is a most naive proposition.  Most have come to this realization after their first few breakups.  However, for those who have yet to learn this painful lesson the hard way, by all means spare yourself by heeding my advice here.

   This is not to say you need to be enemies or give them the old “F you.”  But you must cut off – completely.  No random phone calls, visits, emails, wall posts and the like.  I know it seems like you just HAVE to call your ex to relay a funny story about something you saw that reminded you of them, but really…don’t.

   Yes, its hard to cut off from a person completely, but that is exactly what’s hard about breaking up in the first place …the breaking; which is clearly an integral part of the whole concept.

   Don’t set yourself up to be hurt by remaining G-chat, AIM or Facebook friends.  Seeing status messages and/or pictures of a recent ex (possibly with someone else) is just torturous. Why do that to yourself?? Nothing is gained here.  It only promotes your wallowing in self-pity and living in the past.  Tough love here, but it’s time to move on.

  Now look, we aren’t teenagers anymore (and if so, well, just believe me here): There will be a tomorrow.  Nothing is the end all of end alls.  That is, your ex is not going to disappear off the face of the earth unless you keep constant contact.  Seriously.  Give it some time, several months, maybe a year, maybe a few years – they’ll be there if and when the time is right and a friendship is meant to be.  I promise.

  In conclusion, when a relationship ends: pump your breaks, back it up, flip a U and don’t look back.  Once things settle, re-evaluate.  Not giving the necessary time and space  just leads to a lot of confusion,  hurt feelings, and is often the #1 killer of otherwise potential friendships.

See also: The Lure of “the Ex”How to Be a Good Breaker-Upper*Ask J.D.* 

3 Responses to “There is No “Still Friends” Immediately After a Break-Up.”

  1. RockStr88 September 27, 2010 at 5:56 pm #

    sux but tru


  1. Recreating Your Life After A Break Up - There Is Life After Lonely - November 22, 2013

    […] There is No “Still Friends” Immediately After a Break-Up. | Dating … […]

  2. How to Be a Good Breaker-Upper « Dating, Debating & Recreating: Los Angeles - October 11, 2010

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