STANDARDS- Make ‘em and Keep ‘em

19 Mar

   For this, I use employ pole-vaulting metaphor. You have to set standards. There must be a certain level of treatment and respect that you demand from everyone in your life—especially anyone you are dating and so on. If you don’t raise the bar, so to speak, and require to be treated with the utmost care and respect, you won’t get it. Naturally people are lazy and inclined to put in the minimal amount of effort required to attaining a goal. And generally it makes sense, why spend more time and effort than necessary? Afterall, “time is money.” 

 It’s different with relationships though. If you set your standards low, that is pretty much all you will get.

   Like a pole-vaulter, when the bar is only set to 10 feet, they aren’t going to just take it upon themselves to jump an extra ten- they are going to do what is required, the minimum. See the connection? It then follows, that if you set the bar to 20ft, they ARE going to have to make that extra effort to even be in the game. And you would be shocked, when faced with that high bar, more often than not, they go for it. But as mentioned before, they aren’t going to jump to that level if they don’t need to. But if they DO need to in order to be in your company, 9 out of 10 actually sack up and do it. And the one that doesn’t?  A loser not worth your time anyway- are you kidding me??? 

   People see the terms of the game and rise to the challenge is what I’m saying. You should not expect any less. Keep that bar high, consider it a filter. Anyone who falls short or simply fails to even try aren’t worth your time anyway. But if you keep those standards low, let people get away with the absolute minimum… that’s all you’re gonna get. No one is going to take it upon one’s self to be an allstar when they doesn’t have to- shit, I wouldn’t.
   You’re telling me, I can be a jerk, and completely selfish and you’ll still take me back time and time again? Why on EARTH would I ever change? If I can get away with treating someone like dirt and doing the bare minimum and they still keep me around… that’s a sweet deal- what do I care?  I know I can be with you no matter how ridiculous I act. Is THAT how you want people to see you??? I’d think not.
   Don’t sell yourself short. Remember the “Inverse Golden Rule”; that is, expect from others the same level of care and respect with which you treat them. Now that’s ONLY fair.

What are MY standards?

  •  Think about the golden rule. No need to expect or accept any less that what you give to others.

How do I want people to see me?

  •  Are you someone to be walked all over? Or are you someone that people must better themselves to be around, someone that others must EARN the right to be with?

   Here’s another one. A very simple but affective analogy.  Ask yourself this- “Would I accept this type of behavior from a friend? Would I let a friend treat me this way??” Now why on EARTH, are you going to expect any less from someone that you’re SLEEPING WITH?!?!?! That’s nuts! You should expect even MORE from someone that you’re intimate with- If you wouldn’t let one of your girlfriends act that way- CERTAINLY don’t let any man in your life, someone to whom you are giving yourself to. That position demands the HIGHEST level of respect. Keep that in perspective.

Would I let anyone else treat me like this?

  •  If the answer is NO, well, there you have it. I think you can connect the dots by now.

  Now on these same lines, when these standards are broken by someone stepping out of line and treating you in a manner which is sub-par, there must be consequences. If the bar is at 20 and they only make it to 19, they don’t get to move ahead to the next round. Those are the rules of the game.

   Of course, people can be forgiven- but then need to ASK for it first. Similarly, they need to earn it before it is granted. People aren’t perfect, that’s ok, we already know this. People will mess up and disappoint you- that’s fine too. Let’s not be unrealistic. Keep in mind however, that there ARE consequences to our actions. An equal and opposite reaction for those Newton fans out there. 

   The point being, you need not expel someone from your life for falling short, but you DO need to give them a time out; and they DO need to reach that bar before being being allowed back in the game. As mentioned elsewhere among my discourses, being a jerk is no way to prove that you are upset. Simply removing the grace of your presence will always do the trick. It teaches the lesson that: Unless you are treating me with the respect I deserve; you will not be allowed in my company.

2 Responses to “STANDARDS- Make ‘em and Keep ‘em”

  1. DerekA224 October 7, 2010 at 6:46 pm #

    really useful stuff. thanks


  1. How to Be a Good Breaker-Upper « Dating, Debating & Recreating: Los Angeles - October 11, 2010

    […] See also: There is No “Still Friends” Immediately After a Break-Up. The Lure of “the Ex”, STANDARDS- Make ‘em and Keep ‘em […]

Love it or hate it? And why??

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: