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But he CAN afford to take time off work to protest (unlike 99% of Americans) and his friend there can afford an iPhone 4. Tough times for these two. Way to make a mockery of those Americans who really ARE suffering financial strife.

  OCCUPY WALL STREET: GET A JOB!

Occupy Wall Street? How about you occupy the unemployment office or Monster.com and do something productive with yourself?? Look, we all get it. The economy is awful. We all feel it. But it comes down to this: either endure or present a solution. This culture of self-entitlement and laziness is not only shameful but wholly counterproductive.

     Sure, anyone can sit on the ground and throw a tantrum when things don’t go their way—just ask any five-year-old. Adults however, understand that problems require active participation in bringing about a solution. So what are these “Occupiers” bringing to the table? What is their proposed plan to get the U.S. economy back on its feet? Moreover, do these protesters even have an actual message other than, “Hey, we’re pissed, so we intend to sit here and complain until someone else fixes things.”

   Ok, let’s be fair. Here is what Occupy Sacramento’s organizer had to say when CBS Channel 13 correspondent, Tony Lopez, asked what the occupiers’ message is:

 “Well right now it’s kind of vague.”

   Compelling. However he then assured Lopez that they had a “message team” working on it.

   So the message was still inchoate, that’s understandable. Let’s see what some of the suggested solutions to the economic strife have been…

   One passionate New Yorker suggested that we “Get rid of currency.”  Other N.Y. Occupiers proffered we simply change our political system to, among others, “Communism,” “Anarchy,” and “Primitivism”; all viable systems of governance.  I mean, if history teaches us anything…wait, no.  Nevermind.  

     Well, I suppose that wouldn’t even be so bad, because hey, that’s their prerogative. But this “peaceful” protest has caused far more harm that good. The irreverent Occupiers have destroyed property, littered city parks and monuments with trash and graffiti, and caused local businesses hundreds of thousands of dollars in damages and lost revenue.

     In the first two months alone, it is estimated that the Occupy Wall Street movement cost the targeted cities more than 13 million dollars worth of property damage and police overtime, among others—taxpayer dollars.

     Ironically enough, the “99%” isn’t hurting Wall Street as much as it is the small businesses adjacent to the protest sites. Destruction of property, vandalism, drug use, verbal attacks on passers by, not to mention public urination and defecation, not only deter business from local establishments but are also causing serious financial hardship as the businesses, not the protesters, have to pay for the cleaning, maintenance and increased security measures as a result.

     No, it doesn’t seem the Occupiers have much concern for anything other than their “vague” message—not even the environment. In fact, the human waste, trash and other materials left behind at protest sites have required Hazmat teams to clean.

     As for hiding behind the First Amendment, it has long been established that when it comes to speech or assembly in a public forum (such as city parks), the government may impart reasonable time, place, and manner restrictions.  This is especially true where the speech being advocated adversely affects things such as public health and safety, traffic flow, property interests, the environment, and the administration of justice.

      So to conclude, the Occupiers have: trashed the major U.S. cities; further drained the economy; caused financial hardship for small businesses; and demonstrated a complete lack of respect for other people and the environment. As for Wall Street, well, it’s doing just fine.

Coming Soon!!

   Three-Piece Suits, Scotch and Chivalry.  American Gentleman Magazine is paving the way for a much needed return to traditional values of style, sophistication, culture and class. In this time of societal retrograde via Mad Men, Boardwalk Empire, Ne-Yo’s latest album aptly entitled, “Year of the Gentleman,” American Gentleman sits atop the precipice of an entire movement.

   Be it cars, fashion, art or etiquette—there is a reason some are referred to as “classics.” Certain things are simply timeless and carry with them a transcendent value that is beyond reproach. So to is the art of being a Gentleman. A Gentleman possesses time-tested qualities that will forever be emulated and admired. It is a way of life that will never go out of fashion.

   Not only is American Gentleman founded upon an irrefutable set of principles, but will broadcast our message through a multi-faceted approach. The magazine will be distributed nationally and available in both print and digital versions. The digital edition can be found on our website, and private distributers like Amazon.com, Magazines.com, and iTunes. American Gentleman Magazine may also be downloaded via iPad, SmartPhones, and other Tablet applications.  

   We also believe it is important to stay true to our namesake, so American Gentleman Magazine will break new ground by presenting the first truly multi-cultural magazine as reflective of what it really means to be an American.

The gentleman concept isn’t going anywhere. It’s tried and true. As for being an American Gentleman? Well, it’s a lifestyle-

theamericangentleman.com

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Fiction – To Build A Fire (Independent)
California based Fiction is the band name of Jason Perlman, together with a rotating group of musicians who aid and abet. Three long years in the making, “To Build A Fire” is complex and multifaceted, but equally vibrant and utterly unafraid to let rip and rock.

The first thing you’ll notice is the layers. There’s a real depth and resonance; strings, or keyboards that sound like strings, church organs and of course, guitars, provide sounds as varied as neo-classical intros to metal riffing, with in-between, plenty of nods to a plethora of stylistic codes, including classic rock, modern prog and early ‘90s grunge. Perlman’s vocal packs all the power and cavernous qualities of Chris Cornell and Eddie Vedder, and lyrically he’s a brooder, comfortable plying his trade in the shade, and probably resigned to a glass half empty.

Standout tracks come thick and fast. “Levitation” alternates between early ‘70s AOR craft and something much more significant– it’s an impressive start. “Night’s Crusade” provides a substantial guitar workout and the slower and acoustic “Waterline” is no less notable. The playful “Dead In The Road” seems to take its inspiration from Led Zeppelin and “Ruin You” is classic contemporary metal, with shades of Dio and Maiden.
www.bandfiction.com

Rob F.

 (Listen to Audio Clips and/or Purchase Album on iTunes:  http://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/fiction/id443996250)

Senate Bill 1070: The Myth and The Law

Ok, most of us have been in this situation. You finally get to a point where you are over your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend. You are dating someone new and fabulous and life is just great. Then, all of a sudden (as luck would have it), your ex has suddenly had a change of heart (probably because he/she has heard you were dating again), and decides to wiggle back into your life.
So there you are, super-stoked on this new relationship; this new person is fresh, exciting and totally different from your ex. Yet, you can’t help but wonder… Should I give my ex another try?  Maybe things will be different this time.  Maybe he/she has changed…

     Right, so like I said, we’ve all been there. The lure of the ex, and answering one’s “what ifs” can be a practically irresistible temptation.  Most of us end up making the wrong decision. That is, foregoing the new promising relationship you are in, and falling back into the old one.  Of course, there are no absolutes, and maybe 2% of the time it does work out.  As a general rule however, giving an old relationship a second chance is a losing proposition.
     But come on, we already know this.  So why do we find the ex so irresistible? There are several reasons to explain this behavior. For one, we have already established our comfort zone with the ex. We know them, their habits, their likes and dislikes. More importantly, they know us, our favorite things, our history, our idiosyncrasies. Not to mention all of the inside jokes and fond memories you share.
     In the time apart, especially if breaking up wasn’t your choice, there is a tendency to glamorize the person we miss. We remember them, and the relationship, as nearly perfect. Sometimes, we do so in order to feel that we have control. As if something that you did, or could change, ended the relationship. In a strange way, it is more comforting to convince yourself that you were doing something wrong, something within your control, than accept unprovoked rejection.
     Further, most are plagued by wondering what could have happened.  Hello?!? More often than not, if it could have happened, it WOULD have happened. We often wait around for “the timing to be right” for them to do the right thing; or equally as futile, for them to change some fatal flaw in their personality. If he would only do THIS…or if she would only SAY that. I will let you in on a little secret: Once a person hits their mid-twenties, most of their personality flaws are permanent with RARE exception. You have to decide whether you can deal with them, or not. And usually, when you break up, you have MADE that decision. Don’t second guess yourself.
     Another fallacy that tends to allude us is where that person was right for you at THAT time and THAT point in your life. People change (yes not much but circumstantially). The person that you were, and the things that you were looking for a year ago, even a few months ago, may not necessarily be who you are today. With any luck, you are growing and maturing. Consequently, so are your needs and what you look for in a relationship. Don’t discount the fact that this other person may be different as well. What worked for two people in one wink-of-time isn’t necessarily going to work later on in life. We are dynamic. And as we are out there learning, maturing and having different experiences, we are undoubtedly affected. Thus, the idea that if someone was perfect for you at one time, then they should be again, is utterly flawed unless the two of you had been cryogenically frozen or something. If that’s the case, I’m going to have to surrender authority because I haven’t had much experience with that type of situation. All joking aside, when we have fallen for someone, it may be hard to accept that they might not still be the person you once loved.
     Here is what happens when you get back with your ex. Your relationship gets its 15 minutes of fame, and then its over. Within a VERY short period of time you are reminded why you broke up in the first place. It won’t belong before you are at each other’s throats again, or are simply unhappy and realize you are back in that same situation that drove you apart. You then regret your poor choice because, as it goes, you have then blown your chances with the new person in your life.
     Save yourself the second-guessing and “what ifs.” Remind yourself why you broke up. Don’t glamorize your ex and turn them into something they weren’t. Take an honest look back at the relationship, and remember them for how they actually were. Day to day, what was it like being with this person, handing out, running errands with them? Once you have a realistic memory, it will be easier to quell those “what ifs” that commonly surface when an ex suddenly re-enters your life.
     Do yourself a favor.  General rule: When an ex from the past attempts to re-kindle what was lost, be flattered, but kindly decline the offer. Stay friends by all means, that’s fine. As far as entertaining thoughts of getting back together, forget it. Move forward, not backwards. There was a reason you broke up, and unless some miraculous transformation has taken place (doubtful), those issues still exist.
     In conclusion, always look ahead. We can always learn things from past relationships, but that is where they belong, in the past. Learn what you liked and didn’t like, what you can deal with and what you will NOT deal with. These are all very important things to come out of any relationship with. Even if it was a bad break-up, you have a choice. You can either let it get you down and hold you back, or you can use it as a learning experience to build yourself up and make yourself a better person. I am a firm believer that out of any bad situation, there is always something good to be gained. You just have to be strong enough to recognize what that is and take advantage of it.

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

      If don’t have the mind-reading abilities of Mel Gibson, there is still hope for you yet.  Here are some universal truths about what women want, and how to go about making it happen.

      Security. First and foremost, they want to feel safe, secure and protected. This is what I commonly refer to being a “take-care-of” guy.  Women want to feel safe when they are with a man. They want to feel that he can handle himself in any situation.  This is why women like confident men, because they feel comfortable and secure around someone who is secure in themselves. If you aren’t confident in yourself, a woman will surely not have confidence in you.  No matter how far society has advanced in the last hundred years with regards to women’s liberation and struggle for equity, it still remains that men and women take on distinct roles in a relationship.  These roles are innately predetermined by our anatomical makeup. As the gender responsible for child-bearing and raising, women necessarily seek out a mate who will provide protection for them and their young.  Though not commonly a conscious concern, one can’t refute the importance of these roles and their impact on mate selection.

     Again, women don’t want assholes- they just want a man who is secure.  “Nice” guys often come across as pushovers who can’t stand up for themselves. No one wants to be with a guy who lets people walk all over them.  If you can’t stand up for yourself and hold your own, this tells a woman that you certainly will not be able to take care of and protect her when necessary.  You can still be a nice guy but stand your ground at the same time.   To sum up: confidence is a huge indicator of security.

      Adoration. Second, women want to feel adored. Let her know how important she is.  Be attentive, pick up on her signals, note her likes, dislikes, and sensitivities.  Women are very detail oriented- so paying attention to the little things will go a long way.  Courting is an ongoing process! And how about flowers every now and then?? Women did not start hating them or anything- still a very nice, and most appreciated gesture fellas.

     Compliments!  Newsflash! Even more than women love flowers, they love compliments.  You can never give a woman enough compliments. Truly.  Tell her how beautiful she looks.  Contrary to popular belief, beautiful women are RARELY given this compliment by men.  She knows she’s beautiful guys, it’s not like if you tell her she is suddenly going to realize she is too good for you.  Learn these words: Beautiful, Gorgeous, Stunning, Breathtaking, Striking, Amazing.  FYI telling her she looks “Hot” translates as, “I wanna get in your pants,”  to a woman.  Having read the above you can figure out why that’s not the best course of action.

    I would like to note, do not ONLY make the compliments center around her appearance.  After a while, a woman will begin to ask herself: Is that really ALL he sees in me??  She may even get offended.  So add some variety.  Compliment her sense of humor, her insight, her intelligence, one of her talents, the options are endless.  Two to three compliments a night, if not more are wholly appropriate for a first date, and nothing can be lost by continuing the practice throughout your relationship.

      Listening. Lastly, women want to feel like they are being heard. Yes, women talk… a LOT. Sometimes men find it hard to pay attention when there is a constant flow of words firing in their direction. This is understandable. Of course, when faced with a Niagara Falls of verbiage, it can seem overwhelming as she proceeds to detail every last thought and feeling she has about an issue.   But your attentive listening is key!

      It is important to understand one of the fundamental differences between men and women here.  Men use language to problem-solve. Women use language to express feelings. If you get this you are ahead of the game. Men are inclined to revolve the conversation around solutions, conclusions or a call to action.  Thus they are often frustrated and confused when the advice they give a lady friend seems to fall on deaf ears, or even annoys her.  Women don’t talk to brainstorm; they already know the answer. Discourse for women is a forum with which to air out their feelings and express their emotions.

    So good news!! She’s not looking for you to fix all her problems.  Let her talk until she exhausts herself.  Your only role is to sit there listening and give the occasional sign of life.  No mystery about it.  It really is that easy.

1. ASKING A GIRL OUT

Don’t ask a girl out unless you’re at least 51% sure she is interested.  You want to be sure that the preponderance of the evidence points to a “yes” rather than a “no”. Look, there is no point in asking someone out when you’re guaranteed to be turned down.  Save yourself the shame and embarrassment. Here is why.  First, you are wasting your time. Second, you are making the uninterested girl uncomfortable. Third, while you are saving yourself the few minutes it will take for her to shut you down, you are also being productive by not asking her out.

Look at it this way, if you know you are going to be rejected if you ask her out, you can nonetheless use this to your advantage.  By not asking her out, especially if this is a good-looking girl, this makes it appear as if you use discretion and are picky about who you date. This will set you apart from the rest, and give you an air of mystery which women often find intriguing and attractive.  In addition, your neglected subject may begin to question why you chose not to ask her out.  Your apparent disinterest will cause her to drop her guard, and may even spark her interest causing her to work for your attention causing a reverse effect.  That is, now she is working to gain YOUR attention and approval.

            When you are actually approaching, be confident.  Don’t go back and forth and kind of hint around a date- like George McFly in Back to the Future. Either approach her, or call her up, and pop the question.  Sure, you can do some small talk- but don’t small talk so much that it becomes awkward and the she is stuck there listening to your babble waiting for the inevitable date invitation.  You always want to keep things cool and comfortable. Again, it’s all about confidence.  If you seem confident in yourself (even if you’re not), she will buy it and be confident IN you. Also, when dealing with a lady, it is also about comfort. If you are shaking and awkward, she will be uncomfortable around you. And no one can stand being weird and uncomfortable in excess amounts.  In dating, there is always nervousness and uncomfortablilty. To a certain point that is what makes it exciting. But too much is a deal-breaker. So, be self-assured and (at least appear) to have it together.

2. YOU PAY

            If you ask a girl out, you are asking for the pleasure of her company, and YOU are paying. Even if they offer, you QUICKLY and ASSERTIVELY refuse. For example, at dinner, a true Don Juan will not even look at the check and have his credit card ready as it arrives.

3.  FIRST DATE

• You pick the venue. When you ask a girl on a first date, make it classy. Don’t half-ass it by doing a quasi-date like coffee and such. That just leaves things somewhat ambiguous. You want it to be clear that this is a date. And here is what “lets get drinks” means: I want to get you drunk so that I can hook up with you later without paying for dinner.
• Go out on an actual, undeniable date.  Have whatever you are doing planned ahead of time and ask her well in advance to give her plenty of notice.  Put some thought into it.  Have a few back-up plans handy should you need an alternate, or if the date should go well and you require a new venue to continue the evening.
• As far as what to do, dinner is actually one of the more difficult dates to go on and is better reserved for second or third.  Sitting across the table from a relative stranger puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on the conversation.  This is why I suggest an event.  Go to a sporting event, a concert, a movie, or some other gathering where the entertainment is already built-in.  This allows both of you to comfortably co-exist during drops in conversation as the conversation is merely a side note to the main attraction.  If you do find yourselves captivated in stimulating discourse, all the better!  The point is to have a low-stress environment that gives you options.

• Pick her up. Don’t do the whole, “lets meet up” type thing. A true gentleman will escort his date from door to door.  Even if she lives far, you drive out there.  Later on in the relationship, this rule, like many others may be bent every so often.  But in the beginning, it is a must. Again, it is about being a take-care-of guy. A girl wants to feel that a man is in control and taking care of her. This helps to build her feeling of security and comfort with you, which is said to be the first stage of seduction.

• Show up early, but knock on time.  Yes, get out of the car and go up to her door.  This should be standard for anyone you are taking on a date.  You do not want to be late, but showing up early may stress your date out as most girls use every last minute when getting ready…especially if they like you (which is what you’re hoping for, of course).  Therefore, don’t call or text to let them know you’re outside. Any thoughtful woman would then invite you up but be embarrassed that she’s still in curlers or alternatively she will then feel anxious and pressured to hurry.  Both of which are very bad ways to start a date.  And so, the object is to never leave a lady waiting, but also give her the time they need to prepare without causing them to feel rushed.

• Open every door. This includes the car door.  Chivalry is not dead, nor is it unappreciated. You can never go wrong by being old-fashioned and treating your date like a lady (unless you’re dating a fem-Nazi in which case you’ll never win anyway, and I suggest you quit while you’re ahead).  When opening the door, if you should be so bold, a nice hand on the lower back is a good touch. This is more of a subconscious thing, but it lets a woman know you are there, and protecting her.  There is something about the back, when exposed and not given assurance by touch, that makes us feel vulnerable. Think about it, from behind we can’t see what’s going on, and are completely open to attack.  But when someone has their arm around you or sweetly places their hand on your lower back to guide you through a door these gestures are accompanied by a sense of comfort and safety. You don’t have to be a pro-body builder or ninja to make a girl comfortable and feel secure.

• Of course, you’re paying. Don’t give her time to offer. As soon as the check comes, you pick it up.  You don’t want to leave room for an awkward moment, and you certainly don’t want her to reach for it.  It’s not all about money. Really, women want a man who is assertive, and who they feel will take care of them.  It is always nice to play dress up and go to an expensive restaurant. However, you will score the same amount of points no matter where you take her as long as you make her feel special and taken care of.

• Ending your night. A nice kiss on the cheek is always a classy touch and will spark her interest but also keep her within her comfort zone. Of course, if the signs are good and you are sure, you can go for a real kiss. But it is generally safe to give a simple kiss on the cheek and leave her wanting more.  If she is particularly attractive this will blow her mind as nearly every guy is attempting to make a serious move with her the first night.  Set yourself apart from all of the rest.  Leave her thinking about how much she wanted to kiss you longer.  Plus, until you get each other’s signals and movements down, you certainly don’t want to be that guy who ruins a good date with a sloppy and forced make-out.

THE DO NOT LIST (For Every Date)

   It doesn’t matter how bad the date is going, or how un-attracted you may be to your date, here is a list of things you never, EVER do:

1. Use your cell phone at any point during the date unless it is a true emergency.
2. Bring up or otherwise discuss past relationships.
3. Ask a lady where she is going when she leaves the room.
4. Check your watch unless you have an event to make or know of a bomb about to go off.
5. Remain in your car for either the hello or goodbye. As mentioned above, door to door service gentlemen.
6. Leave her waiting for you for more than 2, but at absolute most, 3 minutes at any point during the date.
7. Ask her to do, bring, get, wear, make, help with, look-up,  figure out, plan, provide, (insert any other verb here) anything.
8. Under-dress for the occasion.

 4. SECOND DATE & BEYOND…

            Really, these will all just be versions of the first date aside from the physical progression. And as far as getting physical is concerned, so long as you don’t give off the impression that you’re gay or uninterested, taking things slow never hurts and lets her know she is special and important to you.  Trust me, a woman who feels adored, appreciated and important will be most grateful and that DOES translate to the bedroom.  So bide your time.  It will be worth it.

WHEN THAT TIME COMES…

   Be bold! Go for it!!  Be assertive and confident.  When she has given you the clear green light, think to yourself: WWJBD?? (What Would James Bond Do?)  So long as they are already sold on the candidate, women want the passionate, ‘must have you now’ type of man.  Just look at any classic romantic movie or sexy thriller.  It’s no coincidence that when it comes to getting physical all the lead men suddenly become caveman like brutes.  Women find it hot.  They want to be lusted after and thrown over a shoulder every now and then.  When your relationship has progressed to the point of physical intimacy, sprinkle a little Basic Instinct in there with your Ghost-like, tender pottery-making love.

If someone is physically attracted to you, people who look like that person will also be attracted to you.

True story. Now, don’t get this all confused. This is a one way street. It doesn’t mean that everyone who looks like people you’re attracted to will reciprocate. That makes no sense of course or no one would ever be single. Nor does it mean that if a person is attracted to you is only attracted to people who look like you. Though you may have a “type” I’m sure you have found yourself attracted to different looking people and vice versa.  So I am certainly not proposing an exhaustive universe of people who might like you.  I’m also not talking about loosely similar-looking people; I mean real look-alikes.  You know, like stunt doubles.  And I intentionally use the words “looks” and “appearance” in my discussion because it only relates to physical attraction.  Obviously a person can be initially physically attracted to you, but then realize you’re a total tool and quickly change their mind. 

   If still unclear as to the point I am making, allow me to demonstrate.

• Person A finds you attractive, then people who look like Person A will also find you attractive.
• Similarly, if Person B finds you attractive, so will those who look like Person B.
• Inversely, if you have the hots for Person C, your doppelgangers will also find Person C hot. (That doesn’t mean it will be reciprocated, Person C may think you’re a dog. Get it?? Its only a one-way, horizontal principle). 
• So if you dated an Uma Thurman look alike, Uma Thurman herself would likely find you attractive. If you look like Uma Thurman, you will find Ethan Hawke attractive. Capice??

All of these examples are different ways of illustrating the same idea.

   Again, this is not a reciprocal relationship. I am not saying if Person A and Person B like you, that you like them. Though it may work out that way from time to time, my theory is based upon one-way attraction. To illustrate, disgusting stalker Person D is obsessed with you; you could not be more repulsed; nonetheless, people who look just like Person D will also find you attractive. 

   Think about it, this is why a lot of your ex’s have similar looks. You may have dated say, 20 people.  I guarantee two or three of them look a lot alike.  If you think Person D is hot, you’ll think Person D’s look-alike is hot too. How many times have you been able to say: Didn’t I date this person already?? Just with a different name–Now that’s obvious but as mentioned above, not the theory I am proposing. What I’m saying is it works the other way around, just not necessarily always resulting in mutual attraction. That’s why similar looking people are always hitting on you (whether or not you find them attractive, as that would be the mutuality component I am saying is not a part of my theory).

   As with any of my assertions, don’t take my word for it. Test it out. Try flirting with someone who looks like an ex of yours (or someone you know has the hots for you). Or if so bold and in the name of science, walk up to a random stranger who looks like an ex and ask them if they find you attractive. It will blow your mind. *Note, I only use the “ex” example as clearly, that person’s attraction to you has been established. Not because it has anything to do with how you feel about them.

   Long story short, I share this with you, because if you understand what I am saying, wow does that cut down on a lot of guesswork. I mean there’s no limit or cap on who is going to like you, this isn’t an exclusive principle. But at minimum, you will be able to readily identify certain types of people who will be into you based purely on their appearance. And that’s a nice advantage. :)

See also: CLASSIC SIGNS OF ATTRACTION, Less is More: Market Theory  Applied to  Affection.

1. Don’t put it off when you know you want to. You aren’t doing anyone any favors by staying in a miserable situation.And speaking directly to the narcissist who’s excuse is “I don’t want to hurt his/her feelings”…NEWSFLASH!!!  If you’re cheating on them, just using them, or otherwise just aren’t into them, trust me, they can do MUCH better.  Give them the opportunity to find someone who will love and cherish them.
    Generally, the longer you stay in a relationship that you don’t want to be in, the more hurtful things will become, and the eventual breakup will be even more ugly and painful than it needs to be.  First off, the longer we stay in a relationship past its expiration the more we grow upset and begin to resent the person we’re with. Of course, eventually they catch on and are negatively affected by your resentment and unhappiness. Yes, it can be hard to step up and do something that you know will be hurtful.  But that is what having integrity is all about: doing the right thing, not just the easy thing.  Here, it is simply selfish to stick around meanwhile making the other person feel confused and unwanted.  It is best just to be honest and break things off.  Don’t wait until things become completely unbearable to end a relationship.  If you want any chance of being friends in the future, be kind, and don’t delay the inevitable. The longer you let it fester, the more heartache you will undoubtedly cause.
     Give each of you a fair chance to heal and move on.  Especially if you really respect this person and want them in your life, don’t wait until the relationship implodes on itself. It’s never easy, but be noble and do the right thing, for the sake of all parties involved. And though it may be hurtful for a while, the other party will almost always nonetheless respect your decision and the thoughtful and sincere way you did it…even if they come to this conclusion a while later as it takes time to get over the initial painful blow of a breakup.

2. Be considerate of the other person’s feelings.  This sentiment is covered by every other number someway, but nonetheless, just make sure you are. I mean, don’t do it like right after they found out that their grandma died, or as they are walking up to the podium to deliver a speech.  And along those same lines, the end of a relationship doesn’t signify a time to point out each and every one of their flaws as reasons for your break up.  Just obvious stuff.

3. Be honest, but not overly honest.  That is, leave out the hurtful details.  What would be the point anyway??  Upon breaking up, just stick to the “take it to your grave” rule. You don’t have to add insult to injury by confessing every white lie or possible indiscretion upon a breakup. Sure, maybe it will relieve your conscience but it is entirely unnecessary and completely hurtful if not devastating in some cases. Unless it is a pressing medical emergency or something which no one in good faith should withhold, all other hurtful confessions should be kept to yourself. This is one of those times where what they don’t know cant hurt them. There is no need to pile on the pain with needless details. Three reasons why this is true. 1) You will be causing much more pain. 2) The person’s faith in you will be shot with little chance of recovery. 3) Your reputation is always at stake.

4. Give them space.  Let them “lick their wounds” and move on before you try to re-involve yourself in their life. Whether they recognize the need or not, your ex-significant other won’t be able to heal if you are continually around to put salt in the wound. So if you really care about this person, and know that they are significantly hurt, give them space. Even if they don’t ask for it, which often they don’t seeing as how they didn’t want to stop seeing you in the first place, you must take it upon yourself to mandate distance. Don’t allow them to continually throw themselves back in the fire when you know they are only going to get hurt. Be the bigger and stronger person and take responsibility for your decision. They didn’t choose to be in this position- for the initial period of the breakup they almost always take the position of trying to change your mind and get you back.
     Be thoughtful and compassionate. You must be the stronger person at this point. After all, they have probably been caught completely by surprise. So sometimes the best thing to do is take the matter into your own hands and cut things off, knowing that they wont be ready to do that for themselves. Its hard because you want to make it as easy for the person as possible. You want to be there to comfort them and make them feel better right? Of course you do, you are a good person. But this is one of those uncommon situations where you almost need to protect a person you care about from themselves AND you. Even though you are simply trying to be kind, and comforting your actions can easily be misconstrued and misread as to lead them on or give them false hopes which only cause more hurt. Though it may seem cruel and heartless, it is really best to assure them that you care, and then just completely remove yourself from their life for a month, maybe more depending on how long or intense the relationship was.

5. Don’t try and relieve your conscience at their expense. Much like #4 and #6, you should be honest, but don’t be over-honest either. You don’t need to add in those extra details and confessions when the only purpose is to make yourself feel better. Not relieve your own conscience when it is only going to cause them more pain than is necessary. Also, when breaking up with someone, you are GOING to be the bad guy for a little while. No matter how well you did it, even if you said all the right things, you are going to have feelings of guilt. Of course, you hurt someone. But don’t try and alleviate your guilty feelings at the other person’s expense. That is, you cant break up with someone and still try and be the “good guy.” Though we often have only the best intentions, and are only “trying to make it easier”, or the classic “only trying to do the right thing”, we can easily mistake our intentions of making our significant other feel better with what we are really doing which is trying to relieve our OWN conscience.
     No one wants to feel like the bad guy- so we try to make it better, and be sweet, caring and understanding, what have you. However, in actuality, this often only confuses the person we are trying to help. They receive all kinds of mixed signals, you say one thing but act another way. You are totally sweet and loving but you nonetheless have told them that you no longer want to be in a relationship. In any long-term relationship, there are bound to be a lot of feelings and emotions. When breaking up, these feelings can become overwhelming and difficult to sort out and deal with. Often one can feel as if they are struggling to keep their head above water in this sea of emotion. The more contact you have and emotion you add and stir up, the harder it is for the person to pull themselves out of this confusing situation and get a handle on reality.
     As smart as we are, our emotions have an awesome power to take control and distort our reality. The nicest thing you can do for someone with whom you have just broken up is to leave them be. It is hard enough for them to sort out and deal with their feelings without you constantly adding fuel to the fire. Sure, you just want to “be there for them” and do the right thing, but really, the right thing is to realize that they need some time alone. They have enough on their plate and need to sort it by themselves. You feel bad and want to make things better, but the constant contact, and attempts at being sympathetic are too often confused with feelings of love. Sending what is being interpreted as mixed signals, and getting your dumpee’s hopes up is just selfish and cruel.
     There is definitely a happy medium between just telling someone to sod-off and trying to be the shoulder to cry on. When it was you that caused the pain in the first place it is simply inappropriate to try and be the one to console. Following these tips being honest, compassionate, but also straightforward and decisive is the best, most kind way to break up with someone. There is never a great way to tell someone that you prefer the company of someone else to their exclusive company, but there are MANY ways to avoid common mistakes that cause unnecessary hurt and confusion.

6. Be swift like ripping off a band-aid, but sensitive.  “Don’t give a long flowery speech.  It doesn’t need to be some big elaborate production.  That really only makes it worse.” Ok, I totally ripped that from the song “Popular” by Nada Surf but it’s sound advice nonetheless. When you don’t cut to the chase, it just leaves the other person in a very vulnerable and confused position, and that’s just cruel.
     And for the love–don’t make THEM bring it up.  It is especially awful when, due to your lack of integrity, you wait for THEM bring it up.  Because what that does is gives them a false sense of hope, as if you are possibly on the fence about this and waiting for them to convince you to stay.  If they think that maybe it was partly their decision, they may get a false sense of control of the situation. Thinking that since they were a part of the breakup decision, maybe they can also do something to fix it or make it better. Which, as we know, they cant- because all along it was you that wanted the relationship to be over and there isn’t anything they can do about it.

     This passive, “I don’t want to be the bad guy” approach only makes things messy.  So sack up.  If you wanna break up, do it. Don’t make them ask for it.  It doesn’t make you the better person by forcing their hand.  In fact, its quite disrespectful and insulting.  In sum, be decisive, considerate and keep in mind that although you are really great…they’ll move on!

7. If you lack self control, erase their number.  Even if you have it memorized, taking them off your contacts list will at least force a brief moment of reflection about your choice as you dial the numbers. Or go with the rule I live by: Never memorize their number! When you have just broken up with someone, out of either need or habit, you can find just about any “legitimate” reason to contact them.  She still has my dvd; or I just ran into his friend and should tell him about it.  Come on.  When its over, its over.  Let it go. Of course that doesn’t mean cut them out of your life for eternity (unless you were dating a psychopath or something).  But it does mean that you need to give yourself and your ex-significant other some time and space to sort things out and regroup.

8. Remember, all is fair in love and war. Don’t weigh yourself down with guilt. You have to be entirely selfish when it comes to love and relationships. This is an area where you don’t owe anyone anything, and have to do what’s right for you.  Keep in mind, if it isn’t right for you, then it isn’t right for them either.

9. Just like them, don’t dwell. Distract yourself and move on (in a healthy way). Throw yourself into work, or family. Hell, go out with your friends. Just do “me” stuff. Entertain yourself with things that make you happy. This is a time to be 100% selfish. Because, lets be honest, the entire time you are in a relationship, you are thinking in terms of two. You always have to consider how the other person will feel about your actions. You have to make plans that keep the both of you happy, and have little time to just do what you want to do.

10. Some good break-up/turn-down lines:

I just got out of a big relationship and am not ready for anything serious just yet.

You are seriously amazing, but my life is just all over the place right now. Let me get back to you when things settle because I’d hate to ruin things by forcing it when I’m just not in a place to give you the time and attention you deserve.

This really isn’t working for me.

I think you’re awesome, but would rather have you as a friend… (than potentially lose that by complicating things).

I’ve had a really nice time on my dates with you but have been talking to someone else as well and I’d like to give that relationship a real chance.

We have so much in common and are so alike, it’s almost like you’re TOO MUCH like me…(and sometimes I need a break from myself).

You are amazing but something’s missing. I don’t know, its probably me. I’m sorry.

See also: There is No “Still Friends” Immediately After a Break-Up. The Lure of “the Ex”, STANDARDS- Make ‘em and Keep ‘em

Having trouble figuring out what to buy that special someone, sibling, friend, or parent???

I’ve got you covered…

For Mom:

* Massage @ a Day Spa.  Try: Burke Williams, Equinox, Ritz Carlton (downtown).

* Designer Purse. Try: Coach, Dooney Bourke, Marc Jacobs.

* Perfume.  Marc Jacobs, Eternity by Calvin Klein, The One by D&G.

For Dad:

* Cigar/Scotch of the Month Club ( or whatever he’s into).

* Golf Lessons/Gear or Equipment.

* Classy Necktie. I suggest a good paisley one by Robert Talbott.  Found at Nordstroms, and several other dept. stores.

* Cologne.  Good “dad” scents are: Eternity for Men by Calvin Klein, Aramis, Drakkar Noir, and anything Calvin Klein.

* Monogram Cuff Links or Money-Clip.

* A Cool Gadget, Appliance, or Tool. From Brookstone or Sharper Image.

Winning Idea for Either

Parent or Both:

 * Family Photo Collage. This one is the all-time winner. Get/make digital copies of about 50-100 family photos over the years and make them into a photo collage. Picasa photo editor is great for this. Then take viz USB or email the collage to your nearest photo lab and have them print it out to poster size.  *Be ready with a box of tissue.

For Your Lady:

All “For Mom” suggestions above plus…

* Sexy Lingerie.  Try: Victoria’s Secret, Frederick’s of Hollywood, Trashy Lingerie (also GREAT for Halloween costumes).

* Perfume.  Coco by Chanel, Light Blue by D&G, Viva La Juicy by Juicy Couture.

* Jewelry.  Earrings are a good mid-priced gift in this category, plus much harder to pick out something she won’t like.

For Your Man:

All “For Dad” suggestions above plus…

* Season Tickets. To whatever team/venue enjoys.

* Sexy Lingerie.  You know where to buy this stuff…wear it proud.

* Cologne.  If you want your man to ooze of sexy sniffs try: Boss by Hugo Boss, Emporio Armani, and last, but certainly not least as this is the best cologne ever made for enticing the ladies, the extremely appropriately named…–> Desire by Dunhill.

For Sis/Friend:

All of the Woman-Gifts above plus…

* Cute PJs.  Try: Victoria’s Secret, or any dept. store.

* Sephora Gift Set.  Gift sets are the best, but also try eyeshadow, unique body washes, nail polish, or make a gift set of your own.

For Bro/Friend:

All of the Man-Gifts above plus…

* Sports Jersey.  His favorite team of course.

* Boxing Lessons with a personal trainer.

* Personalized Beer Mugs/ Shot Glasses/ Zippo Lighter.

For Anyone:

* DVD Box Set.

* Concert/Sport Tickets.

* “____ ” of the Month.

* Personalized Gifts.

A How-to On Being That Guy/Girl Who Never Waits in Lines & Always Gets Hooked Up.  

1.  Always, ALWAYS be polite. Plus cool, calm and collected. Look everyone from the bouncer to the bartender in the eye, smile, and treat them like you’d treat a good friend. No one ever seems to consider the fact that most people treat bouncers and other service people like dirt and just a stepping stone to their ultimate goal.  “Please” and “thank you” are a must and again, will cause you to stand out.

    Treating the “little people” well will take you far– as it is they who control your access, can buy you a round, or otherwise take care of you… Leaving you to look like an all-star. (Try to get their name as well, so long as doing so will not seem awkward or strategic in the circumstances).

   So very important to remember for: Doorguys, security, bouncers, bartenders, managers, everyone that works there… Eye contact and smile.  Ask them how their night is going.  Comment on how busy it is that night and how you understand that they’ve got a lot of  other people to deal with too… Tip well, and be both thoughtful & courteous-these are your new best friends.  

Also, try to remember little details about people who work at your favorite hangouts  Keep notes in your phone if you want so that next time you go to a venue you can pull up your notes under “Standard DT” where it says:

“T”- Manager. Crazy hair. Saw him in Vegas in March.

Ty- Doorguy.  Just got married.

James- Bartender. Skinny, blue eyes, in rockband.

2. Never stand in line for more than 7 minutes.  The longer you wait, the more your social value drops. Don’t huff and puff either. Politely ask the doorman how long he thinks the wait will be, and depending on his answer, ask his name, and then politely inform him that you’re going to check out a different club, but hope to be back later.

   Half of the time they will let you in at this point, realizing that you are probably of some importance and not one of the sheep willing to wait. If not, actually go somewhere. If you return that night, go right up to “Steve” or whoever it was you had befriended earlier, and he is 98% assured to let you in. If you don’t go back that night, you still know “Steve” now and can likely get immediate entrance upon a name-drop and a smile next time.

3. You are always “on the list” or know someone there.   This is more of an attitude than something that you’re going to say. Act the part of someone who is used to being catered to, but without seeming entitled.  Never EVER act desperate or angry when things don’t go your way.

  This above sentiment however,  is why I strongly advise that the first time you go to an establishment you do three things: Make a good impression, learn the names of people who work there, and tip generously. So you SHOULD after only a short while know the names to drop at all your favorite places, and they should know your face by now.

 However, if this is your first time there and you’re desperate, you can try the “I’m on the list” play.  Not being rude of course, you can try using any one of these lines:

-  ”Hi, I’m with the birthday party.”

-  “Hi there I’m (insert your full name here), I should be on the list tonight.) (You can add, “We called ahead.” if  seemingly appropriate)

-  “Hi, I’m on Mike’s list (or any other common male name).”

4. Dress to impress. If you look like a class act, you’re sure to be treated that way.  Again, you want to stand out from the masses.  And anywhere decent in L.A. will have a grip of people trying to get in. Look like a bum, and don’t expect the velvet rope to go flying up when you arrive.

5.  Always get the name of your waiter/bartender.  It’s usually right there on the receipt when you close out.  Try to get it before though or just close out initially to get the name but stick around to use it.

6.  Just as important, make sure you tip  very generously the first time. Bartenders/waiters always look at the tip. Hook them up with your first drink or meal, and they will be yours the rest of the night as well as the next few times you come in. If you don’t have occasion to suavely ask for their name, it is almost always printed somewhere at the top of your receipt.

  7.  Make sure to say “goodbye.”  This should be obvious, since I stated time and time again above that you should treat everyone as if they were your friend and not just a means to an end. So before you leave for the night, wait for “Trish” to be done making those dirty martinis, call to her, and with a smile and wave let her know you’re leaving and perhaps add a “thank you” and/or a “good night.”  (Trish will remember your face for next time and not only help you out ahead of all of the randoms at the bar, she might even buy first round).

  Wait for Oscar to return to you before to hand him the check as opposed to just leaving it on the table.  Look him in the eye, and thank him for the delicious meal. (With your good manners & good tip, Oscar will be bringing you free desert next time). 

   I mean, you want these people to be your friends because that way they hook you up.  You wouldn’t leave a buddy of yours without saying goodbye would you?? Common sense people.

8.  Show face, return & repeat.  When building rapport at any new venue, you’ll need to go there a few times within a short period so that people get to know your face thus ensuring they will remember you in the future.  Once you do so, take a break for a while.  Distance makes the heart grow fonder you know. When you make your big return, they will be ebullient with delight to see your familiar face once again grace their establishment.

 9. Guys, bring a good ratio of girls to guys if rolling with a big group.  Having several attractive girls in your group at a ratio of at least 2:1 (girls per guy) will significantly increase your odds of entry into any exclusive bar or club.  Money always talks, but if your wallet is thin, grab a couple of your best looking lady friends and you should be ok.

10. Ladies, bring your A-game, and your friends better do the same.  Hate to say it, but a group of ugly chicks may as well be a group of dudes when it comes to getting preferred treatment at any Los Angeles venue. You may be gorgeous and a 10 but if you are rolling with a couple 3′s, that velvet rope is stayin’ put.  Sorry, but those are the rules.  And if you’ve been out in Los Angeles, you already know this.

~ This list is bound to grow as I recall some other methods I’ve used over the years. Flirting never hurts either. Whether it be guy or girl, there is always a non-sexual way to compliment and gain someone’s affinity ~

See also: LA Nightlife Hot Spots in 15 Words or Less, The Lounge @ the W Hotel- Hollywood, Hyde Lounge- Staples Center, Terrific L.A. Date Ideas.

 

                        “See you in hell.”… “You first!”

“Give me one good reason I shouldn’t just kill you right now.”

“I should have killed you when I had the chance!”

                               “It’s all over…give it up...” 

“Is that all you got?” / “Is that the best you can do?”

“He’s standing right behind me, isn’t he?” 

           “Yeah. A little TOO quiet.” 

“But So-and-so lives on, as long as we remember him in our hearts.” / “So-and-so lives here [point to head] and he lives here [point to heart.]” 

 “What part of _____________ don’t you understand?” 

 The “I’m not leaving you!”- “You have to go on without me!” exchange. 

                  “According to my calculations…” 

 “Don’t you die on me!” or “Don’t you die on me. Not today, not like this.” Or, “Don’t you die on me. That’s an order! You hear me?!?” 

 “Hold onto your hats” ,“Buckle your seatbelts.” 

“Now, people! Now! Move it!!”

                                “I told you, I work alone.” 

“You don’t have the guts.”

               “Sir, you’re going to want to take a look at this.” 

“Boss, you’re gonna want to take this.” [Holding up phone]

“Time is the one thing we don’t  have!”

  “Sir, you better get down here.”

“This better be good!” (Usually used when the phone rings at an ungodly hour to inform someone important that the world is about to go to hell in a hand basket)

                     “Get me the President!”

                                “This ends now.” 

                  “Welcome to the big leagues.” 

“Guess they didn’t teach you that back in ___ school.”

                                  “Who’s in charge here??” 

          “Looks like we’ve got company.”          

 “Now we can do this the easy way, or the hard way. Its up to you.” 

                                    “That’s gotta hurt.” 

 “He’s good. I’ll give him that.”  

                    “It’s the only way.” 

                        “Lets do this.” 

“In a world where _____ is _____, one man stands alone.” 

“I’m getting too old for this.” 

 “Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit ____.” 

      “It’s now or never pal.”

         ”Give it all you got.”

“Drop your weapons! Nobody wants to die here today!”

“Tell me somethin- you ever killed a man??”

          “I think we lost ‘em.”

“I only know how to do two things, _____ and kick ass.  And I’m all out of _____.” 

“Its crazy. But it just might be crazy enough to work-”

                   “Not on MY watch.”

 ”I eat _____ like you for breakfast.” 

“If I don’t make it…”..”Don’t you talk like that!”

“You’re either in, or you’re out. What’s it gonna be??”

                       “It’s _____ time.” 

 “Never leave home without it.”

 ”I may not like him…but Goddamnit do I respect him.”

 “Get off my _______!”  (plane/train/ship). 

 “You are not above the law.” 

 “Who are you, some kind of superhero??”  “No, I’m just a regular ____ who’s havin a bad day.” 

[Man on his knees in the rain, yelling] “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” 

 “Well, well, well, what have we here??” 

                  “What have we done??” 

                        “MY GOD!” 

                 “I’m gonna need you to trust me on this one.”

   “No! This is something I need to do alone.” 

   “You ready for this??”  “I was born ready.”

 Mystery Solved!

Do you ever get the sinking feeling that you might not be in your lady’s good graces? You ask if she is upset only for her to reply, “No, I’m not upset. It’s fine.”  Although she grants you these assuring words, you cannot help but feel that she is not being entirely truthful.  When you sense that palpable air of disdain envelope your exchange, your suspicion is likely correct.  She is indeed upset with you.

Why don’t women just say what they mean?? Well, as atavistic as it may seem, society has taught women that it is not particularly ladylike to express negative emotions such as anger.  In addition, woman is a highly introspective creature.  Quite often her reluctance to immediately publicize her thoughts and feelings is due to her wishing to take an aside and reflect upon the situation.  This includes self-evaluating the rationality of her feelings weighed against the potential benefit or detriment of broaching the subject.  In that same vein, she may thoughtfully choose to temper her emotions first before engaging in a dialogue.

“If you don’t have anything nice to say…”

            Whether or not she expresses herself verbally, women are masters of body language.  As we all know, approximately 80% of all communication is non-verbal.  Thus, even though she assures you she is not mad, your instincts may tell you that quite the opposite is true.  This is her body language slapping you upside the head.  Communication is of paramount importance in any relationship.  One would be wise to pay attention to the less direct, albeit utterly compelling signals that are often more candid about a person’s true state of mind than their words may be.

Therefore, gentlemen, do yourselves a favor and simply apologize.  One can never go wrong with an easy, “I’m sorry.”  Trite as it may be, these two words go miles with the fairer sex.  She will be most grateful for the gesture, flattered that you seem to understand her, and quick to forgive your transgression.

1. The first half of Term 1 is dedicated to learning the job and dealing with the former president’s mess.
2. The second half of Term 1 is dedicated to re-election.
3. Then by the time Term 2 is rolls around, and The Prez finally has his feet wet and can focus on implementing change, he’s being ushered out of office only to have the same stasis encouraging cycle repeat itself with the next president.

This procedure, technically called a cricothyroidotomy, should be undertaken only when a person with a throat obstruction is not able to breathe at all-no gasping sounds, no coughing-and only after you have attempted to perform the Heimlich maneuver three times without dislodging the obstruction. If possible, someone should call for paramedics while you proceed.

What you will need

• A first aid kit, if available
• A razor blade or very sharp knife
• A straw (two would be better) or a ballpoint pen with the inside (ink-filled tube) removed.  If neither a straw nor a pen is available, use stiff paper or cardboard rolled into a tube. Good first aid kits may contain “trache” tubes.

There will not be time for sterilization of your tools, so do not bother; infection is the least of your worries at this point.

	Find the indentation between the Adam’s apple and the Cricoid cartilage.
	Make a half-inch horizontal incision about one half inch deep.
	Pinch the incision or insert your finger inside the slit to open it.
	Insert your tube into the incision, roughly one-half to one inch deep.

How to Proceed

1. Find the person’s Adam’s apple (thyroid cartilage).
2. Move your finger about one inch down the neck until you feel another bulge.  This is the cricoid cartilage. The indentation between the two is the cricothyroid membrane, where the incision will be made.
3. Take the razor blade or knife and make a half-inch horizontal incision.  The cut should be about half an inch deep. There should not be too much blood.
4. Pinch the incision open or place your finger inside the slit to open it.
5. Insert your tube in the incision, roughly one-half to one inch deep.
6. Breathe into the tube with two quick breaths.  Pause five seconds, then give one breath every five seconds.
7. You will see the chest rise and the person should regain consciousness if you have performed the procedure correctly.  The person should be able to breathe on their own, albeit with some difficulty, until help arrives.

Source:  The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook by Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht

1. Two weeks notice. Make sure you give the standard two-weeks notice or the otherwise reasonable amount of time depending on your particular job.  Of course, make sure that you have all your ducks in a row before leaving.  Your quitting shouldn’t leave your employer up shit-creek without a paddle.
2. Do it at the end of the day.  This minimizes awkwardness, ensures time and attention, and will give your boss the rest of the evening to digest the situation.
3. Be positive, smiling and energetic.  As the initiator, you have the power to set the tone of the meeting. So make it positive!! No need to start things off on a negative, awkward tone.  Set the tone with a smile and get them on board with your excitement.  In essence, no matter what you actually think their reaction will be, go into it with the attitude that they should be just as excited about this as you are– it would take a real heart of stone to resist mirroring your enthusiasm.
4. The explanation. No need to go into a whole prolix speech about your reasons for leaving, keep it light and positive.  You can even play it like you weren’t looking but this wonderful opportunity just fell into your lap.  Here are some great phrases to keep it positive and avoid any potential for hurt feelings. Mix and match as you please…

“Stay tuned for our segment, ‘Dumb Criminals’, right after the break.” Yes, Clearly.

   Why does the media insist on promoting segments of their antics by calling them “dumb criminals”??  I mean for redundancy’s sake!  Clearly the guy who is holding up a 7-11 for the grand score of about $64.00 was not the former valedictorian of his graduating class.  And aside from that .05% of criminals who are inherently evil, most all others are unwitting victims of circumstances not of their making.  It’s actually quite sad.  What we should be doing is not mock the resultant product, but focus our energies and resources into preventing it.

    With rare aberration, criminality is symptomatic of persons afflicted with a severe lack of options.  This is not a novel realization but has been a documented principle of human behavior for as long as humankind has existed.  Rich people generally don’t steal. Why? Because they don’t need to.  Similarly, people with options and something to lose usually don’t engage in behavior that is certain to be self-destructive.  They both have cause for restraint, and other avenues by which to get what they want.

   Now, take away these factors.  What is the result? A person with stiflingly limited options, and little to no risk of loss acting as a deterrent.  Where one really has nothing to lose (as they have nothing), the only direction they can go is up.  Given this ostensible truth, resorting to crime as a means of acquiring the otherwise unattainable becomes overwhelmingly compelling when the potential for minimal loss is compared to the certainty of substantial benefit.

   People are quick to judge and write off our law breaking population as “bad” or otherwise simply “immoral” people.  But drawing such a conclusion reveals a serious lack of introspection and understanding of human nature.  This naive ignorance is easily solved by asking the question: What would I do??

   What would you do if you were 13, your dad was in jail, your mom was never home because she worked 3 jobs just to make ends meet, you could barely read, dinner was not always a guarantee, you risked serious harm on a daily basis just by walking the streets of your neighborhood to school and back, you are distinctly aware that you may not live to see 14, you aren’t of legal age to get a formal job, the only real family you have is your neighborhood friends, the only protection or guidance available to you is from the older boys in the neighborhood who are in a gang, your little sister needs new shoes as hers are already two sizes too small for her growing feet, your little brother just had his only pair of reading glasses stolen, and you’re offered $50.00 to watch a street corner one evening while a local gang member who as always looked out for you made some deals …What would you do?

    To conclude and iterate my initial point, there should be no surprise that criminals are not usually the smartest, most worldly people.  Lack of resources on the one hand, and  a lack of education, marketable skills, and general know-how on the other are the causes of criminality — not coincidental to it.  Just as obvious as the problem’s cause is the solution: Education, available resources, guidance, support, community, and hope.

     If we just started spending even a fraction of the funds currently going to the penal system on meeting the basic needs of our youth and showing them that there is a world outside of their current plight, giving them the tools and the confidence to break through the glass ceiling they’ve always been assured is impenetrable,  the individual and societal benefits alike would be exponential.

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…And would you look who agrees with me: Alan Jackson, Deputy District Attorney.  Team Jackson for L.A. District Attorney 2012!!!

Learn More at Alan Jackson’s Home Page. TEAM JACKSON!!!

1) Forcing a prolonged interaction. For example, you ask a simple question and they attempt to prolong the exchange by any amount of length after the question has been fully answered.

They may add some little comment afterward, or come back with a question of their own. Taking advantage of any opening to create a more substantial interaction or engage you in conversation means that they are interested in you, enjoy your company, and will try to make the most of any chance to interact with you.  **Classic guy move.

2) Willingness to do little favors for you. This also includes going above and beyond the favor you have asked. In particular, if they take it upon themselves to do you a favor before you even ask. They are doing what they can to gain your interest, and/or impress you by showing that you pay attention; that are someone who is there to recognize and take care of your needs. **Classic guy move.

3) Eye contact. If they make eye contact more than once within a few moments they are certainly at least checking you out, if not blatantly letting you know they like what they see. Unless of course, there is something on your face or in between your teeth, you can usually take this as a signal of interest.

4) Impeccable attention to detail. This includes remembering random things you’ve mentioned, or simply in the way they listen to what you say– like hanging on every word (even over a crowded room). Another and even more telling example is where you aren’t even in direct conversation with the person, but they look over anytime you make a comment, or show particular interest in what you’re doing. Breaking one’s own stride to pay attention to something you are doing shows that they are a) preoccupied by you and b) willing to abandon their own agendas for a chance to interact with you.

5) Creating inside jokes/secret sharing. This is a way to establish both trust and exclusivity in a nascent relationship. Sharing secrets or little inside jokes is an attempt to have something special between the two of you which, in a way, creates or at least seems to create a deeper bond or level of friendship.

6) Finding any reason to touch you. Things such as “incidental” hand touching (like as you hand them something) or brushing a crumb from your clothing etc.. One of the most classic moves is the shoulder/arm grab or slap to emphasize a point. This is of course completely unnecessary but is often one of the first, albeit usually subconscious moves someone will use when they are attracted to you. Now if this same move makes its way to the leg area, that’s usually on purpose; and clearly, a much more overt attempt to express interest. Rule of thumb, when a person seems to constantly find a reason to touch you, no matter how innocently, this is a signal of interest. *Though men and women tend to employ this one, women more so.

7) Taking/asking to wear something of yours. If they ask to wear or take something from you such as a hat or ring etc., is almost always an implicit invitation to make-out. This is a baby-step to being close to you. If they can’t literally be close to you, people will often settle for substituting an item that represents you. Further, like #5 above, it’s a way to create a connection, but in this case, it also creates physical dependence as they will need to find/re-connect with you at some point to retrieve the item. **Classic girl move.

8) Significant amounts of trash-talking, or otherwise giving you a hard time. Even if it is seemingly negative attention, they are attempting to get your attention, maybe even a rise out of you, thus possibly invoking some passion along the way. This one is pretty common as it is a relatively safe way for someone to get your attention when they aren’t quite ready to put themselves on the line yet by way of more obvious flirtation… Or so they think.

9) When everything you do is cute, or adorable. Need I say more??? Take my word for it, this person is smitten.

10) Getting nervous or goofy around you.  A sudden lack of cool due to your presence is a clear sign that they care enough about you (and what you think of them) to suddenly become self-conscious.  **Mostly applicable to men as they are usually the ones making the romantic overtures.

11) Making an effort to keep in your field of vision whenever possible. This is a common gym or office tactic when more obvious signals may be inappropriate. Though sometimes employed with an abundance of hopeful glances, skilled flirts will pretend like they don’t even realize you’re in the area. Nonetheless, the idea is simply to make sure that you see them. They want you to notice them, and how attractive, funny or interesting they are without having to actually direct their attention at you personally. This is just an indirect way to say, “Hey check me out.” One may attempt to achieve the same result by speaking or laughing loudly when you’re around. Same objective: Notice Me!

12) Constant name-dropping (yours).  I’m not sure exactly why this happens, but it’s true.  Where the other person excessively uses your name in casual conversation, you can bet they are definitely into you.  For example, when a simple ”How was your weekend?” would suffice, the person nonetheless says, “How was your weekend, Stephanie?”, “Ok Stephanie, that sounds good,” “Talk to you later, Stephanie.”  Yeah…this person is smitten.

The Palm (Downtown): Best Crabcakes. Broiled not fried, and in my opinion the best crab to filler ratio.  These light, yet meaty and savory cakes are served with a mango salsa that is absolutely delightful.
1100 South Flower Street
Los Angeles, CA 90015
213.763.4600
http://www.thepalm.com/sitemain.cfm?site_id=36

Smitty’s GRILL (Pasadena): Best Mac & Cheese. If you enjoy rich, creamy macaroni, you must try the Macaroni and Ham dish at Smitty’s.  This hearty helping of uber cheesy macaroni comes adorned with mouth watering bites of fresh ham, and is so savory and satisfying, you will never be able to finish in one sitting.

110 South Lake Avenue
Pasadena, CA 91101-2605
(626) 792-9999
http://www.smittysgrill.com/

Mastro’s (Beverly Hills): Best Potatoes. Not necessarily on the menu but a signature dish is Mastro’s garlic lobster mashed potatoes.  This generously portioned side dish comes with what amounts to a full lobster’s worth of meat and topped with clarified butter.  Not your everyday treat, but would make any crustacean lover’s last meal list.

246 North Canon Drive
Beverly Hills, CA 90210-5302
(310) 888-8782
http://www.mastrosrestaurants.com/

Musso & Franks Grill (Hollywood): Best Swordfish. Built in 1919, this is Hollywood’s oldest restaurant.  Musso & Franks serves as the perfect secret getaway because the second you walk through saloon-style rear doors (if you valet) you feel transported back to another time and place.  Aside from the impeccable service, and every other item on the menu, the broiled swordfish is without peer.  Perfectly cooked to have the steaky texture one looks for yet not lacking a drop of moisture the swordfish comes topped with a caper lemon sauce and a side of tartar that like the fish, has no equal.  It is difficult to find the words that will do this dish justice, but one taste and you will be hooked.

HOUSTON’S (Everywhere): Best Spinach Dip AND Best Cheeseburger.  The spinach artichoke dip is hands down the best I have ever had.  It comes with and endless basket of tortilla chips, and sides of both salsa and sour cream.  And if you are so bold, the trifecta dip yields an unexpected yet enticing ensemble of rich flavors.  Oddly enough, Houston’s also has one of the most tender, flavorful and satisfying cheeseburgers on the market.  As a cheeseburger, it is hard to describe what makes it so damn good, thus I leave it to you to find out for yourself.  But trust me, I’d even forgo a 3×3 at In-N-Out for it. (I suggest you have it cooked medium, as it will still be pink and soft on the inside, but not bloody).
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RUTH’S CHRIS (Everywhere): Best Steak.  Yes, there is a lot of competition and heated debate in this area but I am taking my stand.  Ruth’s Chris signature steaks “are seared to perfection at 1800 degrees and topped with fresh butter so they sizzle all the way to your table.”  I used their words as I couldn’t have said it better myself.  For the most decadent filet mingon you will ever eat with a spoon: Ruth’s Chris.

However, also be sure to order that steak with their famous “Lettuce Wedge.”  A crisp quarter of fresh Iceberg lettuce topped with bacon pieces and cascading Bleu Cheese dressing is both refreshing a delicious and serves as the perfect opening act for the decadence to come.

http://ruthschris.com/

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*Overrated Steakhouses: Cut, Morton’s, Nick & Stef’s.

See also: Covell- Wine Bar, Trendy & Upscale L.A. Dining, BOTTEGA LOUIE., L.A. Lunch Dates, Dan Tana’s Restaurant.

BAR MARMONT

DESCRIPTION: Upscale Lounge.  Non-Wanna-Be Spot; Legitimate Industry Patrons. Classy and Fun.   

8221 Sunset Blvd
Hollywood, CA 90046
(323) 656-1010   

SKYBAR

DESCRIPTION: Breathtaking Views. Classy, Good-Looking, Highly International Crowd. Lounge & Dancing.

8440 sunset blvd
West Hollywood, CA 90069
(323) 848-6025

SUNSET TOWERS

DESCRIPTION: Historic, Upscale 20′s Art-Deco Hotel. Breathtaking Views on Outdoor Patio. Music Industry Crowd.

BOA RESTAURANT

DESCRIPTION: Upscale, A-List Restaurant w/Bar Scene & Chic Spacious Outdoor Patio.  Sexy Crowd.

9200 Sunset Boulevard
West Hollywood, CA 90069
(310) 278-2050

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 Hollywood…

DRAI’S

DESCRIPTION: Las Vegas Club Like. Long Lines.  Hit or Miss Crowd. Rooftop Pool & Cabanas.

6250 hollywood blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90028
(323) 962-1111

HEMMINGWAY’S

DESCRIPTION: Classy, Loungy, Hollywood Crowd w/Live DJ or Music. Nostalgic Decor, Books & Typewriter Walls.

THE COLONY

DESCRIPTION: Super Trendy, Long Lines. VIP Clientele. Las Vegas Club-Like.  Extravagent. Runway Shows & Sexy Dancers.

1743 n cahuenga blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90028
(323) 525-2450

AKBAR

DESCRIPTION: The Straight Person’s Gay-Bar. Huge Dance Floor. Perfect for Girls Wanting to Dance.

4356 W Sunset Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90029-2112
(323) 665-6810

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Downtown…

THE STANDARD

DESCRIPTION: Trendy Sophisticated Crowd.  Young Professionals/ Fashion Forward Artsy. Beautiful Rooftop View.

550 South Flower at Sixth Street
Los Angeles CA 90071
Phone: (213) 892-8080

SEVEN GRAND

DESCRIPTION: Whiskey Bar.  Old Gentleman’s Club Ambiance. Pool Tables, Cigars. Classy & Dark.

 COLES

DESCRIPTION: Oldest LA Bar. Authentic Drinks. Saloon Feel. Classy Professional Crowd. French Dip, Careful with Mustard.

118 East 6th Street
Los Angeles, CA 90014
(213) 622-4090

LIBRARY BAR

DESCRIPTION: Intimate Setting. Actual Hardback Library. Downtown Professional Happy Hour Spot. Dark & Chill Atmosphere.

630 w. 6th st.
Los Angeles, CA 90017
(213) 614-0053

THE EDISON

DESCRIPTION: “Batcave” Reminiscent. Original Edison Electric w/Turbines.  1920′s Decor, Attire & Vibe. Dress to Impress. Fantastically Unique.

108 W 2nd St
Los Angeles, CA 90012
Neighborhood: Downtown
(213) 613-0000

ELEVATE

DESCRIPTION: Standard-Like Rooftop View w/Actual Roof. Huge Dance Floor. Great Music. Asian Heavy Clientele.

Penthouse Level
811 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 2100
Los Angeles, CA 90071
(213) 623-7100