“Groundhog Day.” Bill Murray, Andie MacDowell (1993).

Here’s why I like this movie, they kept it real. Of course, they had to have the lead character, Phil (Bill Murray), initially establish himself as something of a jerk. That way, we feel comfortable with his initial inclinations toward hostility when he realizes that each day is a repetition of February 2nd, thus he is living without consequences. Though deep down we would all probably punch Ned Needlemeyer in the face in a consequence-free environment, we are allowed to resonate with Murray’s character while still feeling a sense of moralistic distance. It is a truly genius commentary on human behavior…and simply delightful, if nothing else. Lighthearted comedy, love, humanity: Groundhog Day is simply delightful!

Great Advice — Controlling Your Reality

“I have nothing” can just as easily be turned into “I have nothing to lose.” Frame your life for success.

Why Romance Movies May or May Not Piss Me Off Right Now.

You know, as I sit here watching/scoffing at love movies like New Year’s Eve and Shrek because there’s nothing else on, (oh, and I call anything with a semblance of romance a “love movie” these days) I realize maybe they aren’t all total B.S. Because they all seem to have one thing in common and that is some initial and tragic heartbreak where we see our hero fall to the lowest of lows before, miraculously, in walks the true love of their life when the least expect it.

 

Well, now that I can officially say I’ve had my heart properly smashed into a million unrecognizable pieces, maybe I too have now earned that wildly unexpected [Enter TRUE LOVE stage left]. So instead of disdainfully mocking such films for being so ridiculously unrealistic, perhaps I should view them as inspiring hope that the real deal is waiting just around the corner. Guess we’ll see.

Who Could Disagree With This Platform??

STEP ONE: The Question.

Liberals and Conservatives can fight over their pet issues until they turn blue. But as I see it, there are only about 4 areas of policy that are realistically still up for debate:

• The Economy/Social “Issues”

• Foreign Policy

• National Security

• The Environment/Green Initiative

Am I wrong?? Do correct me if I am.

“To Build a Fire.”

Click the ALBUM COVER below to preview “Distance in the Way” and all of my other favorite songs: 

LA County’s Next District Attorney

Not only do I completely agree with all of Mr. Jackson’s policies and beliefs, I worked for him at the District Attorney’s office and can verify that he is 100% genuine and everything we need in a District Attorney. He’s a trial lawyer, not a politician, and Alan Jackson lives and breathes justice, honor, and humanity. I could not think of ANYONE more qualified to protect the citizens of Los Angeles County. Knowing this man personally, I can say without reservation, that no one else will work as earnestly and tirelessly to promote our safety and well-being as Alan Jackson. Be sure to vote for Alan Jackson on November 6th.

VOTE ALAN JACKSON 2012

A Japanese Saying to Get You Through Hard Times…

大きな愛と開かれた心から、さらに大きな愛が来る。

“From the heart that is open and great love, great love comes further.”

Cracks me up every time.

Giving Bill Maher The Business

Dear Mitt Romney,

Why give this newest ad validation by attempting to defend yourself by showing how supportive and caring you were when your wife had cancer? Not only is this, “Mitt Romney killed my wife and doesn’t care” smear campaign commercial completely misrepresenting the facts, even if they were true it doesn’t make one bit of sense.

The Advertisement: The husband, Joe Soptic, worked for Bain Capital, was laid off, lost his health insurance that was also covering his wife, she got cancer and died 22 days later. It’s Mitt Romney’s fault, and he doesn’t care that she died.

The Facts: The husband was let go when the company was shut down in 2001. His wife worked elsewhere and had her own health insurance through that employer until she left that job due to an injury to her rotator cuff. So her health coverage had nothing to do with her husband’s unemployment, she had her own until she chose to leave her job. And it was not until some FIVE YEARS after that, that she was diagnosed and subsequently died of cancer. At no point during those several years did the man or his wife purchase their own health insurance or apparently take advantage of any number of free or low-cost medical care options.

Now that we’ve got the facts straight, lets play make believe and pretend that this ad isn’t totally based on lies. Even if the story in this ad were true, I’m sorry, are they saying that employers are responsible for the health and welfare of former employees??? And their families? And for how long? Once you’ve worked somewhere that company or person owes you for life? Since when is this the case?? Last I checked, the obligations of an employer to an employee were severed once that relationship ceased to be. I don’t think that’s really up for debate, so what are they basing Romney’s alleged responsibility for this woman on?? Doesn’t anyone notice that this entire premise doesn’t make one bit of sense??

And the irony is, here is a pro-Obama advertisement holding Mitt Romney, the private sector, responsible for providing health care to individuals. Hold on a minute, doesn’t that fly in direct contradiction to Obama’s health care bill that asserts it is the government’s responsibility to provide health care?? I guess to Liberals, pretty much anyone and everyone BUT the individual is responsible for that individual’s well being. Pretty telling of just how needy and helpless the Left seems to believe Americans are. Guess we’re all just looking for a handout since none of us has the ability to take care of ourselves.

Having some integrity and being responsible adult, I purchased my own health care plan, and will be damned if I blame someone else for my poor choices.

To Joe Soptic: You have exploited your late wife, and used her story as the basis for flagrant lies and misrepresentations to make baseless allegations against Mitt Romney and nonsensically blame him for your wife dying from cancer. And all as a backhanded boost for the Obama campaign. This ad and your actions are truly abhorrent, have no decency and no place in civilized society. Shame on you sir.

The Chick-Fil-A Controversy: Who is the Real Victim of Discrimination Here?

Ugh. Again, misinformation and selective hyper-sensitivity continue to plague our society. What the man, a devout Catholic said on a religious talk show was that he “supports traditional marriage” as do all Catholics, Christians, Muslims and Jews, 48 of our wonderful states, and the federal government. I mean really, is that such a surprise that a Catholic supports traditional marriage?? And in fact, the term gay wasn’t even mentioned in the interview.

So why all the shock? Why not boycott all religions and the 48 states that don’t allow gay marriage? And since when did support of one thing become hate of another?? What kind of backwards self-serving logic is that? If I support the U.S., do I hate Canada? If I support women’s right to abortion do I HATE children?? I mean, that’s what you’re saying here, really.

This man simply stated his belief in traditional marriage as a Catholic, just as anyone would assume he would. Just as a homosexual would support gay marriage, no surprise there either. Would that mean they hate straight people? According to this logic, yes.

So in sum, the only hate or bigotry really going on here is that of those who are boycotting and protesting against Chick-Fil-A… because the owner is Catholic.

Explain how I’m wrong-

Liberal Ignorance Strikes Again

Ok, I just couldn’t help myself here. Here is an article I just read and my response (we’ll see if it gets approved)…

—————————————

Mitt’s Campaign Is Just One Lie After Another

Aug7 by Embattled Farmers

With the economy as bad as it is, you’d think Mitt could build a campaign around the truth.  But noooooooooooooooo!

It’s just one lie after another.  The “You didn’t build it” crap, the “Obama doesn’t want our brave servicemen and women to vote in Ohio” garbage, and now Mitt’s ad about welfare.

In response to states’ requests for more flexibility on welfare requirements, including from some GOP governors, the Obama administration said yes, which the GOP should view as a victory for states’ rights, one of their pet causes.

But Mitt is twisting this devolution of power to the states as Obama just letting more lazy people collect welfare checks, which is not what this is about at all.  And what better issue than welfare to get that racist subtext across?  He’s black, of course he wants to make it easier for people to collect welfare.

BTW, when Mitt was governor of Massachusetts, he requested waivers under the Clinton welfare reform law. If Mitt is so cavalier about lying to us now, anybody think he’ll be honest once he’s sitting in the Oval Office?

J.D. St. Michaels says:

Your comment is awaiting moderation.

August 7, 2012 at 8:46 pm

First of all let me compliment you and say that I absolutely love this article. It encapsulates the heart of liberal ignorance in such a compelling manner. To address a few of your points:

1. Obama did say of people with their own business “…you didn’t build that.”

2. As I am sure you are up on your Constitutional law, the 10th Amendment reserves certain “police powers” like *health, safety, and education to the states, as the individual states are in a better position to make these determinations for their citizenry. This is why Mr. Romney’s actions as governor of Mass are not contradictory, but well in line with traditional principles of state sovereignty.

3. The only people taking issue or even making mention of President Obama’s race are liberals. How ironic that Conservatives see and refer to our President in terms of his policy and practice, but the very first descriptor liberals use to reference him with regards to any issue is his being Black. Isn’t our president a little more than just a Black guy?? Give the man some credit. And this from his own party, how insulting. Really.

Anyway, I don’t mean to insult, and I do respect your enthusiasm, but your article just seemed a bit misinformed.

Best,
J.D.

OCCUPY WALL STREET: GET A JOB!

But he CAN afford to take time off work to protest (unlike 99% of Americans) and his friend there can afford an iPhone 4. Tough times for these two. Way to make a mockery of those Americans who really ARE suffering financial strife.

Occupy Wall Street? How about you occupy the unemployment office or Monster.com and do something productive with yourself?? Look, we all get it. The economy is awful. We all feel it. But it comes down to this: either endure or present a solution. This culture of self-entitlement and laziness is not only shameful but wholly counterproductive.

The Arizona Immigration Law

Click Below to Read the PDF:

Senate Bill 1070: The Myth and The Law

The Lure of “the Ex”

Ok, most of us have been in this situation. You finally get to a point where you are over your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend. You are dating someone new and fabulous and life is just great. Then, all of a sudden (as luck would have it), your ex has suddenly had a change of heart (probably because he/she has heard you were dating again), and decides to wiggle back into your life.

Man Protocol

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

      If don’t have the mind-reading abilities of Mel Gibson, there is still hope for you yet.  Here are some universal truths about what women want, and how to go about making it happen.

 

      Security. First and foremost, they want to feel safe, secure and protected. This is what I commonly refer to being a “take-care-of” guy.  Women want to feel safe when they are with a man. They want to feel that he can handle himself in any situation.  This is why women like confident men, because they feel comfortable and secure around someone who is secure in themselves.

My Theory of Unilateral-Horizontal Attraction: A theoretical cheat to knowing who likes you.

I know this will sound a bit out there, but I swear to God tested and true.  Here’s the theory:

If someone is physically attracted to you, people who look like that person will also be attracted to you.

How to Be a Good Breaker-Upper

1. Don’t put it off when you know you want to. You aren’t doing anyone any favors by staying in a miserable situation.

The Perfect Gift.

Having trouble figuring out what to buy that special someone, sibling, friend, or parent???

I’ve got you covered…

How to be a Social Butterfly.

A How-to On Being That Guy/Girl Who Never Waits in Lines & Always Gets Hooked Up.  

1.  Always, ALWAYS be polite. Plus cool, calm and collected. Look everyone from the bouncer to the bartender in the eye, smile, and treat them like you’d treat a good friend. No one ever seems to consider the fact that most people treat bouncers and other service people like dirt and just a stepping stone to their ultimate goal.  “Please” and “thank you” are a must and again, will cause you to stand out.

Best Cliche Action Movie Lines

 

“Give me your badge, and your gun.” “You’ve got some vacation time comin up-” 

                        “See you in hell.”… “You first!”

“Give me one good reason I shouldn’t just kill you right now.”

“I should have killed you when I had the chance!”

                               “It’s all over…give it up...” 

“Is that all you got?” / “Is that the best you can do?”

Why Don’t Women Just Say What They Mean??

“Are you mad??”  “No, I’m not mad…it’s fine.”

 Mystery Solved!

Do you ever get the sinking feeling that you might not be in your lady’s good graces? You ask if she is upset only for her to reply, “No, I’m not upset. It’s fine.”  Although she grants you these assuring words, you cannot help but feel that she is not being entirely truthful.  When you sense that palpable air of disdain envelope your exchange, your suspicion is likely correct.  She is indeed upset with you.

Why don’t women just say what they mean?? Well, as atavistic as it may seem, society has taught women that it is not particularly ladylike to express negative emotions such as anger.  In addition, woman is a highly introspective creature.  Quite often her reluctance to immediately publicize her thoughts and feelings is due to her wishing to take an aside and reflect upon the situation.  This includes self-evaluating the rationality of her feelings weighed against the potential benefit or detriment of broaching the subject.  In that same vein, she may thoughtfully choose to temper her emotions first before engaging in a dialogue.

“If you don’t have anything nice to say…”

            Whether or not she expresses herself verbally, women are masters of body language.  As we all know, approximately 80% of all communication is non-verbal.  Thus, even though she assures you she is not mad, your instincts may tell you that quite the opposite is true.  This is her body language slapping you upside the head.  Communication is of paramount importance in any relationship.  One would be wise to pay attention to the less direct, albeit utterly compelling signals that are often more candid about a person’s true state of mind than their words may be.

Therefore, gentlemen, do yourselves a favor and simply apologize.  One can never go wrong with an easy, “I’m sorry.”  Trite as it may be, these two words go miles with the fairer sex.  She will be most grateful for the gesture, flattered that you seem to understand her, and quick to forgive your transgression.

Why Presidential Term Limits Are Out-Dated and Counter-Productive.

     Term limits were initially put into place for fear of tyranny.  We, as a nation had just fought a brutal battle against our former oppressors across the pond and thus valued democracy and freedom from a single all-controlling entity above all else; and we had come by this honestly.  

     Before invention of the myriad of avenues of communication that now exist, the concern that one person might pull the puppet strings of our government  behind a curtain of secrecy and without limitation was certainly viable.  However, in this “information age” where mass media,  and public scrutiny are at their zenith, the fear that any one person could evade answering to the will of the people is simply atavistic.  If anything, we are all too quick to force resignation upon our public officials for “sexting” and other scandalous affairs.  

The Emergency Tracheotomy: Something Everyone Should Know…Just in Case.

How to Perform an Emergency Tracheotomy

This procedure, technically called a cricothyroidotomy, should be undertaken only when a person with a throat obstruction is not able to breathe at all-no gasping sounds, no coughing-and only after you have attempted to perform the Heimlich maneuver three times without dislodging the obstruction. If possible, someone should call for paramedics while you proceed.

How to Quit Your Job. (With Class.)

Now, this can often be a fairly awkward situation as it sometimes feels like a break-up.  However, it doesn’t have to be.  Here’s what you do.

1. Two weeks notice. Make sure you give the standard two-weeks notice or the otherwise reasonable amount of time depending on your particular job.  Of course, make sure that you have all your ducks in a row before leaving.  Your quitting shouldn’t leave your employer up shit-creek without a paddle.
2. Do it at the end of the day.  This minimizes awkwardness, ensures time and attention, and will give your boss the rest of the evening to digest the situation.
3. Be positive, smiling and energetic.  As the initiator, you have the power to set the tone of the meeting. So make it positive!! No need to start things off on a negative, awkward tone.  Set the tone with a smile and get them on board with your excitement.  In essence, no matter what you actually think their reaction will be, go into it with the attitude that they should be just as excited about this as you are– it would take a real heart of stone to resist mirroring your enthusiasm.
4. The explanation. No need to go into a whole prolix speech about your reasons for leaving, keep it light and positive.  You can even play it like you weren’t looking but this wonderful opportunity just fell into your lap.  Here are some great phrases to keep it positive and avoid any potential for hurt feelings. Mix and match as you please…

Criminality: Not a First Choice, But a Last Resort; and the Solution is Clear.

“Stay tuned for our segment, ‘Dumb Criminals’, right after the break.” Yes, Clearly. These Are Not People With a Myriad of Knowledge and Options.

  

   Why does the media insist on promoting segments of their antics by calling them “dumb criminals”??  I mean for redundancy’s sake!  Clearly the guy who is holding up a 7-11 for the grand score of about $64.00 was not the former valedictorian of his graduating class.  And aside from that .05% of criminals who are inherently evil, most all others are unwitting victims of circumstances not of their making.  It’s actually quite sad.  What we should be doing is not mock the resultant product, but focus our energies and resources into preventing it.

CLASSIC SIGNS OF ATTRACTION

Disclaimer: This list is certainly nowhere near comprehensive, but here are some of the most common signs and signals that should tip you off that a certain person is into you ~

 

1) Forcing a prolonged interaction. For example, you ask a simple question and they attempt to prolong the exchange by any amount of length after the question has been fully answered.

L.A. Steakhouse BESTS

Yes, we all know that these fine eateries can serve up a mean steak, but here are a few must-try specialties that you might not have known about… 

The Palm (Downtown): Best Crabcakes. Broiled not fried, and in my opinion the best crab to filler ratio.  These light, yet meaty and savory cakes are served with a mango salsa that is absolutely delightful.

LA Nightlife Hot Spots in 15 Words or Less

Sunset Blvd…

BAR MARMONT

DESCRIPTION: Upscale Lounge.  Non-Wanna-Be Spot; Legitimate Industry Patrons. Classy and Fun.   

8221 Sunset Blvd
Hollywood, CA 90046
(323) 656-1010   

SKYBAR

DESCRIPTION: Breathtaking Views. Classy, Good-Looking, Highly International Crowd. Lounge & Dancing.

8440 sunset blvd
West Hollywood, CA 90069
(323) 848-6025

Why Men Are So Shocked to Learn that Women Can Be Funny!!

Yep. Newsflash. Women are hilarious!

     …they just aren’t allowed to be if they ever want to bag a guy. Men pride themselves in their physical/athletic ability, problem solving capacity, and sense of humor over most all else when it comes to how they impress the fairer sex. So despite being equally comedically talented, women have learned not to outshine the boys in the humor department.

     This practice is reinforced every time a woman makes an awesome joke in mixed company, and is met wtih confused expressions as the men deliberate:

Surely she didn’t mean to be funny… so maybe she just doesn’t get it.  Ok, we’ll just pretend like she didn’t say anything so she doesn’t feel bad for being dumb.  Plus she’s cute, so we’ll let it slide.  

…Now, one of the dudes making that same joke, of course, would be deemed life of the party~

Best Music Videos Of All Time

Fear not, this is just the beginning of my list:

• “Sabotage” – The Beastie Boys (Most Kick-Ass)

• “Take on Me” – Aha (Revolutionary)

• “Land of Confusion” – Genesis (Creepiest)

There is No “Still Friends” Immediately After a Break-Up.

    Once you break up with someone, no matter whose decision it was, you MUST give the relationship some time and space. Things need time to settle.  Attempting to go from lovers to  friends right away is a most naive proposition.  Most have come to this realization after their first few breakups.  However, for those who have yet to learn this painful lesson the hard way, by all means spare yourself by heeding my advice here.

*Ask J.D.* – Giving Thoughtful Advice on ANY TOPIC.

*Ask J.D.*

(Click *Ask J.D.* above to enter)

Trouble at home, work, wherever?? Just need general advice? Have any questions about one of my posts or need further clarification/explanation??  Do share.  I am happy to help.

“Ask J.D.” is an advice column by J.D. St. Michaels that covers an array of topics.  Offering realistic guidance and advice  for all of the obstacles life tends to throw at us.

Ex. Relationships, Work, Communication, School, Life…

Conflict Resolution

When the occasion arises, there is definitely a right way (or at least betterway) and a wrong way to resolve any point of contention.  Here are some basics to help you smoothly and amicably attain comity.

13 Excellent and EASY Ways to Lift Your Mood When Life Hands You Lemons.

  …and no, making lemonade isn’t one of them.  F*ck lemonade.  Here’s what you do-

   Quick Disclaimer: There is a lot more science and psychology behind many of these tips I’m about to give you, but being that I am neither vying for a Pulitzer nor trying to bore you to death, I am going to spare you most of that business and just hit you with it.  That work??  Great.  Here are some things you can do to instantly lift your mood. They work, and the more the merrier (so to speak). Ehem.

   Number one…

1. Force a Smile; Fake a Laugh. As silly as this sounds, it’s been scientifically proven that both smiling and laughter produce mood lifting chemicals in the brain…and so does FAKING it! No joke.  This physiological reaction is so deeply engrained in your system that even a fake smile, or fake laughter will trigger the release of serotonin, endorphins along with other mood and health boosting chemicals.

2. Smell the Roses.  Yes, certain scents can quickly and easily lift your mood.  The smell of fresh roses is a prime example.  Splurge and buy yourself a bouquet, it adds to the decor of any room, and you can take a big whiff every time you pass by. Also try: Rosemary, Basil, or Mint.

Change Your Perspective, Change Your Life.

We all know the classic maxim, “Dress for the job you want, not the one you have.”  Well think and act like the person you want to be.  Who is to tell you you’re wrong??

“Wait, you’re not an outgoing person.”

“I’m being outgoing now, aren’t I?”

   The phrase, “That’s not me,” is a logical fallacy.  What one is really saying is, “That is not the kind of choice I have made in the past.” Yes, there is a certain value placed on consistency.  However, that parochial value is vastly outweighed by the need for utility.  We’ve all heard the maxim, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”  Well in that same vein, it follows, that, “If it IS broke, fix it ya jackass!”

   Your only true limitations while on this earth are what you can do physically.  You may not be able to slam dunk.  Okay, get over it.  Everything else is a mental game.  With just a few tweaks (doses of reality) regarding the way you perceive yourself and the world around you, it is possible to achieve all that you desire in life.

The Perfect Word.

The English Language is Chock-A-Block with Colorful and Illustrative Words That Can Be Used to Describe Any Situation. Below is a List of Some of These Expressively Precise Words That You May Not Know You Always Needed. 

“When It Rains, It Pours.”

WHY?!? Because when you are confident, busy and fairly aloof, that is when you are your most attractive.  This concept has nothing to do with being an a-hole or unapproachable, it simply is a result of your self-assured ability to independent.  Think about it, what’s more sexy than a person who is comfortable with themselves and unlike 98% of the population, not desperate.

“Appearance is Everything” - Truth in Cliches

Unfortunately, this is true. You have made up your mind about somebody within the first 5-10 seconds of seeing and or talking to them. Of course eventually one is going to require more depth then looks alone and a good first impression, but you don’t GET the chance to show off your amazing personality and well-roundedness if you don’t make a good enough impression to begin with.

Obvious Points That Often Elude Us and Warrant Reminder.

Each of the following points should compel you to say “duh” after reading; but it is quite amazing how we manage to turn a blind eye to the obvious from time to time.

 

1. People who truly care about you won’t kick you when you’re down.

Why You All Up in My Business, Vons??

     LOOK, I get what they are trying to do at Vons with the: “Hello, can I help you find anything” business. Theoretically a great idea. But when you’re bombarded by every single employee within shouting distance asking if you are finding everything ok it becomes a most onerous shopping experience.

  

U.S. Prison Overcrowding: Problem Solved.

I was shocked to learn that the United States houses 25% of the world’s prisoners.  Many of the prisons operating at 200% capacity.  This is a serious problem. However, decriminalization of particular drugs, sentencing/parole reform, plus swift and certain punishment would turn that all around. 

Great Latin Quotes & Sayings Everyone Should Know.

In vino veritas: (in WEE-no WEH-ree-tuhs).  “In wine there is truth.”  By anonymous.

Sic semper tyrannis!: (sik SEM-per tee-RUN-nees).  “Thus always to tyrants!”  Exclaimed by John Wilkes Booth right before assassinating President Lincoln.

Cogito ergo sum: (KO-ghee-to ER-go soom).  “I think therefore I am.”  Rene Descartes, philosopher.

Less is More: Market Theory Applied to Affection.

Disclaimer: I am certainly not advocating being an asshole-recluse; but explaining a basic human behavior, its general effects and the motives behind it. There is a time and place for everything, and always in moderation.

     The basic principle is that the less you give, affection, praise, material gifts, time etc.- the more weight it has when you do.  Think about it.

STANDARDS- Make ‘em and Keep ‘em

   For this, I use employ pole-vaulting metaphor. You have to set standards. There must be a certain level of treatment and respect that you demand from everyone in your life—especially anyone you are dating and so on. If you don’t raise the bar, so to speak, and require to be treated with the utmost care and respect, you won’t get it. Naturally people are lazy and inclined to put in the minimal amount of effort required to attaining a goal. And generally it makes sense, why spend more time and effort than necessary? Afterall, “time is money.” 

Hyde Lounge- Staples Center

The new Hyde Lounge at the Staples Center is the perfect, and I now feel ONLY, way to watch a sporting event (aside from front row seats).  You get to view the game from what would otherwise be a luxury box for a fraction of the price.  Ex. $15 admission for a Kings game. However, it’s more than that.

“Frenemies w/Benefits.”

Definition: A friend of the opposite sex that you generally despise and can’t stand to be around but somehow end up hooking up with from time to time.  (Usually after a long day/night of drinking).

“Step Off Crazy Old Lady.”

“Step Off Crazy Old Lady.”  A poetic tribute to my neighbor. A true story.

There lives an old lady across from my place. She seems kinda crazy, pretty sure that’s the case.  She stopped me one time to show me her door, complaining of invisible dust particles, as if someone placed them there- don’t worry, there’s more. 

Took her a good ten minutes to explain the dust thing to me before not so subtly implying that I was a part of this grand conspiracy.  I smiled and nodded just trying to get the hell outta there, which was about the time she warned me that Satan was bad…with a most meaningful stare.

My Favorite JDSM Quotes

Admittedly narcissistic, here is a collection of some of my most favorite lines that I’ve come up with over the years.  Yes, these are 100% original statements coined by me, J.D. St. Michaels.  Some are just well-worded observations, some thought-provoking positions, and others just plain silly.  Hope you enjoy them as much as my friends and I have–

Droppin’ Knowledge

• How to fix the U.S. Economy.  Three-words: De-criminalize, regulate & tax.

• If you have to explain, your joke wasn’t funny.

• Never lie to protect yourself from a truth that wasn’t hurting you.

• All’s fair in love, war, and poker.

• A well-provided for people never harbor inclinations to declare war.

• When you’re given the out, show a little respect and take it.

Some Babies Are Pricks.

    Ok, look- I know you’re supposed to think that all babies are cute, but really, they aren’t.  Hey, I’m sorry, I guess I have discerning taste when it comes to babies. If you want me to think you’re cute, you’ve gotta bring something to the table here.  

      The worst though is ugly babies.  And you know what I’m talkin about. Ugly babies.  Because let me tell you, some of these babies are straight jacked.  That’s not me, thats just a fact.

   But what kills me is that it’s always the parents of ugly children who are the first to pull out their wallet-pictures and shove them in your face.  How awkward is that moment??  Here you’ve got this 1×2 photo of this cross-eyed, snaggle-toothed, Jabba the Hut lookin’ creature and then the proud wide-eyed mother standing there on the edge of her seat waiting for the obligatory ”Awww, how cute!!”

I can’t do it lady.  I just can’t.  I don’t know what other people have told you, but this is real bad.  Take it back.  Here, seriously.  Yuck!